


Fractured

by Kyluxtrashpit (ApostateRevolutionary)



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015), Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: (of the Snoke to Kylo variety), Abuse, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Catatonia, Developing Relationship, Emotional Constipation, Emperor Hux, Established Relationship, Eventual Happy Ending, Eventual Smut, Flashbacks, Hux has alcoholic tendencies, M/M, Major Character Injury, Snoke Being a Dick
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-09
Updated: 2017-11-11
Packaged: 2018-12-25 18:48:00
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 37,136
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12042018
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ApostateRevolutionary/pseuds/Kyluxtrashpit
Summary: Hux, too, knew how to break people, but he also knew when not to; his own Stormtrooper program that his unconditioned officers operated was proof of that. Clearly, this was a distinction Snoke failed to understand.When Kylo returns from a meeting with his master broken and wrong, it becomes clear that Snoke has gone too far. Hux is left to not only pick up the pieces, but to put them back together again while considering the past and the future.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> WOW okay I've literally been working on this fic for about a year now and I'm very excited to finally have it at a point where I'm comfortable posting it. I have almost all of it written and the rest fully planned, so I will be going for approximately weekly updates. This fic was started long before any TLJ info or anything came out so I have made some edits to accommodate some of the book info, etc. (although I haven't read Phasma yet), but I think the only major inconsistency I've kept is Kylo having a big scar. Because fuck everybody, I like it that way
> 
> Flashbacks indicated using italics and the first flashback takes place about a year before the beginning of the 'present' part of the story. I'm sure it'll make sense when read, but I'm paranoid and felt like noting it might help avoid some confusion

“Sir, Lord Ren’s shuttle is approaching.”

Hux started, whipping his head towards where the Lieutenant was seated. “What?”

Mitaka looked up, nervous. “Lord Ren is on approach, sir. He’ll be docking in 4 minutes.”

Hux blinked, slowly. He’d heard nothing from Kylo since the Knight had been called back to Snoke for additional training, or a test, or some such. Kylo hadn’t really been clear on it and Hux hadn’t pressed, even though he’d wanted to. That had been weeks ago.

“I see. Thank you, Lieutenant,” Hux said, trying to calm his now racing heart.

It wouldn’t have been a surprise to find out the bridge crew took bets on how long it took Hux to decide he was no longer needed on the bridge whenever their resident Knight of Ren returned from a mission. On this particular occasion, anyone who’d put money on about 30 seconds was about to have a very profitable day. Although, in Hux’s defence, he hadn’t been expecting Kylo’s return; usually he had enough self-control to wait until whatever time he’d already planned on leaving. Compromising his duties was one line Hux would not cross unless it was truly necessary, and in this case there was nothing he needed to do that couldn’t be done away from the bridge anyways.

A brisk walk to the hangar found Hux arriving just as Kylo’s command shuttle touched down, the great wings of the ship folding up. Truth be told, Hux had always found the design of the Upsilon-class shuttles to be unnecessarily flashy, and this time he couldn’t even blame it on Kylo’s flair for the dramatic. It did suit him, though, even if every high-ranking First Order officer used the same type.

The engines of the ship powered down fully and Hux waited with bated breath for longer than felt right to see the ramp come down. Another few heartbeats later, and the dark figure slowly emerged. Something seemed… off, Hux immediately thought. Kylo usually stomped aboard, either from frustration or elation. Even on his more subdued days, his footfalls were heavy and his pace was fast. Now, though, it looked like he was… tentative? Confused? Hux couldn’t tell, especially with Kylo’s mask on, but he knew his lover well enough to know that something was wrong.

Hux strode forward, approaching the same way as always. Perhaps Kylo was just tired. Hux had no idea what Snoke had forced him through this time, but it probably hadn’t been pleasant. He frequently returned from these trips to Snoke bruised and bloody; this one was likely no different. The Knight was off the ramp and now almost stumbling to the left, away from Hux, as if he hadn’t seen him. That was certainly concerning. Had Snoke… No, even if Kylo had been blinded, he’d be able to sense the floor in front of him and Hux with the Force.

“Kylo?” Hux asked, once he was close enough.

Kylo turned fast, too fast, like he’d been startled. Another faltering step, this time to the right, towards Hux, and suddenly Kylo was tipping, alarmingly, to the side, not even trying to cushion his fall to the ground.

“KYLO!” Hux was hurrying now, running to where his Knight lay on the ground, seemingly unconscious, in the middle of the hangar bay.

The shout must have turned heads, but Hux couldn’t have cared less. Once he reached Kylo he crouched, pressing shaking fingers to Kylo’s neck, feeling for a pulse. Hux exhaled in relief when he found it. Strong, steady; _alive_. Hux took a quick inventory of Kylo’s body, not seeing any obvious sign of injuries, and then pulled out his datapad, calling for a stretcher and enough medical staff to carry it and its load.

 _Hells, what did he do to you?_ Hux couldn’t help the thought, continuing to pat Kylo down, checking every part of him for something amiss while he waited for the stretcher to arrive. Perhaps it was just exhaustion, a body worked too hard for too long. It wouldn’t be the first time Kylo had over-trained while with Snoke. First time he’d taken it _this_ far, but still. That had to be it.

When medical arrived, Hux ordered them to carry Kylo to Hux’s own quarters, and to summon a droid to check him over. To their credit, no one questioned him. Most of the Finalizer staff knew what was going on between the two of them and also knew far better than to question it. And Hux knew Kylo had a deep distaste for traditional doctors; he hated people he didn’t know touching him. If whatever this was surpassed the capabilities of a medical droid, then Hux would call a living doctor. But this was just exhaustion, had to be, so a droid would do.

Hux followed the stretcher back to his rooms, sending a quick message to the bridge that he would finish his tasks for the day in his quarters. He wouldn’t slack on his duties, _never_ would, but if working while keeping an eye on Kylo was an option, it was the one he was going to take. At least, this time, Hux had help carrying Kylo to safety, and Kylo wasn’t actively bleeding out for the journey.

* * *

_The snow swirled in the air, clinging to eyelashes and leaving cold, wet spots on skin. Hux was breathing heavy, half-carrying and half-dragging the other man through the snow, nearly dropping Ren every time the planet shuddered beneath them. A trail of deep footprints in the snow and dripping blood marked the path they’d taken._

_“Of all the fucking times, Ren,” Hux muttered to himself, knowing Ren was barely conscious from bloodloss and hypothermia._

_A pitifully quiet groan was his only answer. Ren was supported mostly over his back and Hux risked a glance at Ren’s face to see his status. Still alarmingly pale, glassy eyes fluttering but not fully shut, the angry wound still red and raw. No status change. That was a good sign; though the fact that Ren felt cold against him was certainly a bad one._

_Hux had regretted leaving the troopers by the shuttle once he’d found Ren barely clinging to life in the snow, but there was no time to go back and get them. He’d comm’d ahead, made sure they would meet him with the stretcher, but that didn’t make this part of the walk any more bearable. Ren was kriffing heavy and Hux was not built to carry such a large man._

_It was a relief to finally meet the troopers, to have them maneuver Ren onto the stretcher, and Hux resisted both wincing and rolling his eyes at the moans of pain that accompanied every movement. Once Ren was safely secured, they were moving immediately, making much better time than Hux had alone. It also allowed Hux to look around, to see the cracks and quakes of his project, to truly watch the dying spasms of his life’s work. Something pricked at his eyes, but he ignored it, telling himself that whatever he needed to do could be done later, when no one was at immediate risk of being swallowed up and taken with the planet._

_Another pitiful noise from Ren caught his attention, and he saw Ren looking up, at_ him _, a hand reaching out, seeming desperate. Hux couldn’t resist rolling his eyes this time, steadfastly ignoring Ren’s hand. It was a pathetic display Hux was not going to indulge._

_They made it to the shuttle without incident and Ren was whisked away to the sleeping quarters for emergency medical treatment. Hux gave the pilot orders, then moved to the back of the transport, making his way towards the seats for takeoff. As he passed the quarters where Ren was, he heard Ren frantically calling his name among anguished shouts of nonsense mixed in with a whimpered ‘I killed him’. He paused for a moment, a moment too long, and then ignored that too._


	2. Chapter 2

The droid found nothing wrong with Kylo aside from slight dehydration and minor physical injuries, all of his vitals coming up normal. Hux dismissed the droid and allowed himself to run a hand over Kylo’s brow, moving tousled, slightly damp hair out of the way. The helmet – and kriff, Hux had never been so grateful for the damn thing, saving Kylo’s head from a sickening crack when he’d fallen – had been removed the moment all living beings had vacated the room. Hux was tempted to change Kylo out of his robes into something more comfortable (and clean – Kylo clearly hadn’t seen a sonic in the weeks he was gone), but decided that amount of manhandling would probably wake him. Surely letting him sleep and recover was the best bet. He’d certainly wake on his own in the night, or perhaps morning.

Hux settled into work, instead, focusing on reports and trying very, very hard not to glance at Kylo’s sleeping form at the end of every sentence he read. He knew that, right now, there was nothing he could do, but that fact really only made it worse. When a problem presented itself, Hux’s preferred course of action was to immediately do what was necessary to resolve it as quickly and efficiently as possible. When there was nothing to be done but wait… well, Hux had never been very good at that.

The rest of the day didn’t go by nearly as fast as Hux would have liked. Kylo continued to sleep and Hux continued to work, not knowing what else to do with himself. At some point, he managed to call for dinner to be brought to his quarters. He ordered two servings, just in case Kylo woke. He would be hungry, Hux thought. The man had a staggering appetite and there was no telling when he’d last eaten. Hux ate alone, leaving the other portion covered and continued to work well into the night cycle.

It was only when his datapad chimed with a message that Hux realized he’d passed out at his desk at some point. He blinked blearily, looking over to the bed where Kylo still lay asleep, then checked the time. It was about fifteen minutes before his alarm usually woke him. The unimportant message, simply a response to one of his, had been quite fortunate, Hux supposed as he switched off his alarm. The alarm was loud enough to wake the dead, often scaring the shit out of Kylo and, once, a Stormtrooper who’d been passing by Hux’s quarters at the wrong time. As much as he was looking forward to Kylo waking, doing so in such a violent way would surely not be pleasant.

Hux busied himself with taking a quick turn in the sonic and getting ready for his shift, frowning as he tried not to worry that Kylo was still asleep. He may or may not have made a little extra noise, selfishly hoping Kylo would wake and complain about it like he always did when he dozed after Hux got up. But either Kylo was being unusually accommodating or he was, indeed, still in desperate need of rest.

He dreaded leaving his quarters that morning, spending the extra time he had sitting on the edge of the bed and stroking Kylo’s hair. The man did not stir, his breathing deep and relaxed, but Hux swore he felt Kylo’s head move towards his hand when he pulled away ever so slightly. Hux couldn’t help a small, hopeful smile at that.

Truth be told, Hux’s presence on the bridge wasn’t strictly necessary when they weren’t in the middle of a battle. Still, he preferred to spend as much time as he could there, feeling more secure when he was the one at the helm of his ship. Today, though, he knew he wouldn’t spend long; he would do what he absolutely should not do from the office in his quarters, and then he would return. It wouldn’t be a lengthy shift and, hopefully, Kylo would be conscious by the time he did make it back. If he wasn’t… well, best not to think of that.

* * *

His crew was trying to kill him, Hux was sure. There was no other explanation as to why so many damn problems happened to be coming up at this moment, of all times. A routine weapons check had detected an unexpected problem with one of their cannons, engineering was convinced one of the engines was going to explode if they didn’t stop moving _right now_ (Hux knew they were wrong, but he brought the ship to a halt anyways; the planet they were travelling to could wait a few more hours to be conquered), and apparently there was some sort of unpleasant, communicable disease moving through the crew.

All of these factors led to the planned hour or so he’d spend on the bridge, being updated and making his presence known for the sake of appearances, stretching into more than half a standard shift. When Hux was finally able to make his escape (the cannon was being fixed, as was the engine, and he ordered medical to enact a damn quarantine if they were really so worried about it), he stalked back to his quarters as quickly as he could get away with.

Hux wondered if Kylo would even have stayed put when he’d woken, hoping he hadn’t just wandered off to do whatever it is he was supposed to do now. Which could’ve been fucking anything, honestly. Snoke didn’t seem to care how much whatever he wanted Kylo to be doing frequently inconvenienced everything Hux planned to be doing.

His train of thought was interrupted by Hux coming to his own door, hastily punching in the key code as he took a steadying breath. _Please be there, please be there, please be there…_

Sure enough, Kylo was where Hux had left him. He was conscious, too, sitting up and looking straight ahead but facing off to the side. Hux expected him to turn, to greet him or acknowledge him in some way, but Kylo just kept staring. Hux turned to see what could possibly have him so engrossed, but all he could see was the durasteel wall. Plain and as uninteresting as most walls were, yet Kylo was staring at it as if entranced.

“Kylo?” Hux said softly, beating down his urge to do something more impulsive than just walk in and acknowledge the other man.

Kylo twitched, seeming to have heard, but he didn’t look away from the wall. Hux’s brow furrowed as he stepped closer, standing directly in Kylo’s line of vision. Kylo’s head jerked back slightly, his eyes now focusing on Hux. Or, rather, on Hux’s uniformed torso, as that’s where his gaze naturally landed.

Hux couldn’t help the cold fear creeping into him; this was not right. He stepped forward a bit more, hoping Kylo’s gaze would draw to the movement, as humans tended to do. He barely stopped short of touching the mass of greasy, dark hair before him.

“Kylo?” he asked again. “What’s wrong? Can you hear me?”

Kylo moved his head up, the simple movement stuttering and jerky, and was now looking at Hux’s face. The first thing Hux noticed were his eyes; they’d always been dark and deep enough to drown in, yet there was an emptiness there now that he’d never seen before. More like a void than the shadowy pools they normally were. They looked like the eyes of a corpse: open but unseeing and completely devoid of life.

The second thing he noticed was the way Kylo’s head tilted slowly to the side, as if he were confused by Hux’s very presence, yet he remained completely expressionless. For someone with such an expressive face, who wore every emotion so clearly that Hux could read him almost as well as Kylo could read Hux, it was a jarring display. Kylo wasn’t making eye contact, either, seemed to be looking somewhere between his mouth and his nose instead.

“Kylo?” Hux said again, willing his voice to stop that frightened quiver and failing. “Kylo, darling, please say something.”

The part of Hux’s brain that wasn’t completely panicking registered that Kylo seemed to recognize his own name, even if he wasn’t acknowledging anything else. He twitched whenever Hux said it, eyes flitting to his mouth, though that was likely because whatever state his mind was in had realized that’s where the sound was coming from.

A cold wave of dread washed over Hux and he tried to push it back long enough to think. Whatever Snoke had done to Kylo, it had rendered him completely non-verbal, and unable to do anything but twitch slightly at his own name. How was this possible? What could have caused Snoke to do it? It didn’t make sense. Why would he wreck his supposedly prized apprentice like this? Was Kylo being cast out? Or was there more to it?

Part of Hux considered sending a message to Snoke, requesting an explanation as to why his co-commander was completely unresponsive. It seemed a reasonable request. But then why hadn’t Snoke thought fit to inform him before Kylo returned? _How_ had Kylo even made it here in one piece? He certainly wasn’t capable of piloting his shuttle alone in this state. There were too many questions, and Hux couldn’t stop himself from running through all of them even though he couldn’t come up with any answers.

He looked back down at Kylo’s blank face, feeling something inside him break and shatter, tears pricking his eyes. It didn’t matter what had happened, really, not at this point. What mattered was the aftermath. Something inside him prayed to deities he didn’t believe in that this was only temporary, that he could fix it, or that time would make it better. But there was no way to know for sure. Regardless, Hux couldn’t abandon Kylo now. He simply couldn’t. Even if this wasn’t fixable, even if it was permanent… That thought had the tears escaping, running down his cheeks despite his stubborn wishes otherwise.

Hux reached out to gently stroke Kylo’s cheek with his thumb, receiving a blink in return. When he went to pull away, Kylo seemed to barely lean into the touch once again. Before, Kylo had always been needy, always wanting more touch and attention. It felt like some awful joke that that trait would be the only thing that appeared to remain of the man’s personality. Hux wasn’t sure whether to laugh bitterly at that or to give in to the sobs clawing at his throat.

He ended up taking the second choice, wrapping his arms around Kylo’s limp body and burying his face in Kylo’s shoulder. The very, very few times he’d cried in front of Kylo had always led to him being held and comforted, and the sobs only came harder when he noticed the absence of those strong arms returning the embrace. How in the hells was he supposed to deal with this?

* * *

_“Sir?” Hux looked up to one of the troopers, now impromptu medical staff, standing very, very still in front of him._

_“Yes?” His tone was more acerbic than he intended, but he was too busy trying to deal with the fall of his life’s work to care._

_“I-it’s Lord Ren, sir.” The trooper looked truly uncomfortable now, and Hux wondered if they’d drawn straws to decide who would come to give him this news. “He’s refusing to cooperate. We’d sedate him, but he’s using the Force and we can’t overpower him.”_

_Hux sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose. “I’m not sure why you expect me to be able to reason with him, but fine.”_

_With that, Hux stood and made his way to the improvised medbay. They were set to rendezvous with the Finalizer as soon as possible, the first priority being to get Ren to proper medical facility. All they had to do was keep him alive until then, which had seemed an easy enough task despite his injuries. Every shuttle came equipped with enough supplies to keep almost anyone alive for a few days, let alone the few hours that had already passed and the few more they needed. The patient simply had to be willing to_ cooperate.

_When Hux arrived, he took in the sight of Ren sitting up, red-stained bandages over his face and clumsily wrapped around his torso, looking wild and far more alert than he’d been for the journey back. Clearly he’d been restored enough to be mostly upright, panting with his eyes shifting quickly between each trooper, as if daring any one of them to move. Hux could also see a few items and containers strewn about the room, likely a result of his powers, as well as two troopers crumpled on the ground and shoved into the corner – whether they were unconscious or dead, Hux didn’t know._

_Hux took a breath, and then stepped forward while grabbing a heavy duty tranquilizer from a trooper who was too stunned to move. He kept the needle in one hand and put both behind his back, standing as he always did. Ren was too busy having his fit to notice Hux’s presence until he came closer._

_“Ren, you need to cooperate,” he said. “Or did you want to bleed out and leave me to explain to Leader Snoke how you were too busy terrorizing the troops to let yourself be tended to?”_

_Ren was silent for a moment, looking shocked and strangely guilty, like he hadn’t quite thought of it that way. Or maybe it was because Hux had been called in specifically to scold him._

_“I don’t like doctors,” Ren said petulantly, after a long pause._

_“No one on this shuttle is a doctor, Ren.” That wasn’t the point and Hux knew it, but this was how their interactions went, and it seemed best to approach him with what was familiar._

_“That’s not the point,” Ren replied, a flicker of annoyance passing over his bandaged features. “I don’t like strange people touching me.”_

_Hux blinked at that, not expecting such an open answer; perhaps Ren was more out of it still than he appeared. Most people weren’t a fan of being poked and prodded at like they were a piece of meat, however, most people were also rational enough to understand that when one was at immediate risk of bleeding to death, such unpleasantries were required. Only Ren would let distaste for a minor discomfort endanger his life._

_Hux raised one eyebrow deliberately. “You’d rather die, then?”_

_Ren was silent, looking away. He was clearly pouting, though there was another flash of inexplicable guilt playing on his face. Hux wasn’t an expert in Ren’s psyche by any means, but he reasoned it must have been that Ren had just realized what a nuisance he was being._

_Hux took the opportunity and stepped closer, not quite close enough to touch. “That’s what I thought. Now, are you going to settle down?”_

_Ren brought his gaze back to Hux’s, still giving no answer, but the lines of tension in his muscles gave him away: for whatever reason, Ren truly did not want to cooperate. If Hux left, he might get five minutes of peace before the troopers were calling him back again. Even in such poor condition, Ren just couldn’t stop being a pain._

_Hux took one more step forward, getting himself right where he wanted to be. “Ren?”_

_He gave Ren about seven seconds to answer and, when he was given nothing, Hux took the opportunity. In one swift move he stabbed the syringe into Ren’s bicep, pushing the plunger down before Ren could react. It’d hurt like mad, but he doubted Ren would even feel it over the hole in his side. Ren looked up at Hux, outraged, the screwing up of his face crinkling the bandages, then lifted his other arm, reaching out–_

_And then he was slumped bonelessly, almost entirely against Hux, completely unconscious. Hux pulled the needle from Ren’s arm, adjusting to support his weight as he handed the syringe back to the nearest trooper. He gently laid Ren back on the bed, careful not to aggravate any of his injuries. The peaceful, helpless look on Ren’s face almost had Hux feeling guilty for tricking him. Almost. This course of action had been best for everyone, Ren included._

_“Finish treating him,” Hux ordered, turning to leave the troopers in peace, and making a mental note to inform the medbay staff on the Finalizer to keep Ren unconscious or to use droids to treat him._

_That was the best choice for all, it seemed. They couldn’t afford to do lose any of their doctors and Ren couldn’t be uncomfortable if he wasn’t conscious. That last bit had Hux stopping mid-thought; surely he hadn’t just thought about Ren’s comfort?_


	3. Chapter 3

After Hux’s rather embarrassing breakdown, his mind was clear enough to form a plan. Kylo was currently helpless and would need care, care that Hux wasn’t willing to trust anyone else with. Firstly, he sent a message out announcing that he had been ordered by Snoke to personally deal with Kylo’s condition after his training and that he would be completing his duties primarily from his quarters until further notice. It was a lie, but one he didn’t feel bad about. The news of Kylo’s collapse had likely spread through the ship already and it was completely reasonable for Snoke to expect his apprentice to take priority. Or, rather, it wouldn’t be the first time Snoke had demanded such, even if the most likely cause of this ailment was Snoke himself.

Next was taking care of Kylo’s welfare. He called for a medical droid again, just to double check. Still dehydrated and now very slightly malnourished, but otherwise none of the tests came back beyond normal. Hux pursed his lips as he sent the droid away with instructions to run the results by the head doctor. If that failed to find any abnormalities, as Hux suspected it would, then it would be clear that whatever was wrong with Kylo was not a physical ailment. That would leave only one option: Snoke having done something to his mind, and none of the possible implications of that were good. Asking Snoke was absolutely out of the question, then. Snoke would consider it none of Hux’s business.

Hux shook his head, trying to clear his thoughts. He could think later. For now, there was still much to be attended to. He approached Kylo again, who hadn’t moved from his seated position on the bed.

“Kylo,” another twitch, “you need to shower.”

No acknowledgement. He took hold of Kylo’s limp hands and gently pulled to encourage him off the bed. Kylo came with no resistance, so Hux led him to the refresher. Hux then began dutifully stripping off the Knight’s clothes, averting his eyes. It felt wrong to strip him, even for a purely utilitarian purpose, when Kylo was like this, but there was simply no other choice. Once he was naked, Hux directed him into the sonic, turning it on and shutting the door while it ran through the cleansing cycle. As far as he could tell, Kylo wouldn’t move unless prompted, so he’d be fine in there for the moment.

Hux scooped up Kylo’s filthy robes, careful to unclip the lightsaber from his belt and set it aside, and threw them in the laundry. Truthfully, he’d rather throw them out, but if – no, _when_ – Kylo came back to himself, Hux knew he’d want them back. He then returned to his datapad and ordered two meals to be brought up for them.

When the sonic clicked off, Hux returned to the refresher to extricate Kylo, who blinked when Hux grabbed him gently by the wrist and led him out. He then dressed Kylo in a set of regulation sleep clothes the Knight kept here but seldom used. As he did so, Hux couldn’t help but notice a few new scars and a number of fresher injuries, a strange anger bubbling up at the sight of the marks on Kylo’s skin. Hux understood the nature of Kylo’s life and training meant he was frequently injured, and that there would always be new marks on his skin. It wasn’t something that had bothered him enough to be a problem before but now, seeing the state he was in, Hux was furious. Apparently hurting Kylo physically hadn’t been enough for Snoke this time.

The meals arrived shortly after, carried by a droid, and Hux sat Kylo down with one tray in front of him and then sat with his own. Hux began eating, watching Kylo carefully as the man stared numbly at his tray. Of course.

“Kylo, eat,” Hux ordered.

Kylo twitched again, a movement that Hux couldn’t decide was getting more or less disconcerting. Dark, still empty eyes flitted between Hux’s mouth, where the words had come from, and then his tray, only to settle on Hux again. Was he confused? Had he forgotten how to use a fork? Was some part of his mind still aware of the need for food but the rest unable to comprehend the mechanics of it? Again, too many questions Hux didn’t have answers for.

Hux took another bite, slowing his movements when he saw Kylo watching. Once he’d swallowed, Kylo picked up the fork, and copied what he’d seen Hux do. Okay. So he was capable of learning like that and doing so quickly. This was good. Although the fact that Kylo had to learn how to eat again was unsettling. What else didn’t he understand? How thorough was the damage if something so base, so ingrained, had been temporarily forgotten like that?

The ate the meal in silence, Hux watching Kylo the entire time, hoping the twisting sensation in his gut would fade by the time they were done. It didn’t and Hux disposed of their trays while Ren stared forward, unmoving. Anxiety gnawed at Hux’s insides and he chewed on his lip to try to stave it off. What was he to do with Kylo now? He’d slept, showered, and eaten, still with no awareness of any of his actions or the world around him beyond Hux’s instructions.

And then there were, of course, the questions. So many questions that Hux’s mind could hardly handle them all at once. Had Kylo’s mind been completely wiped, all memories gone forever unless they were replaced? Or was it more that Kylo had been locked away inside of some sort of mental prison, aware or not, and was now unable to exercise his will over his own body? Perhaps, with time and some memory jolting, he’d come back to himself. Or perhaps he would have to be completely remade from scratch. Or, worse yet, maybe he was nothing but a husk and would never be anything more again. Hux didn’t know, and without that knowledge, he couldn’t reasonably know where to begin.

Hux moved to his desk, deciding Kylo was perfectly safe over at the table, and turned on his datapad, opening the program he used for strategic planning and starting a blank document. He began inputting every question he had, letting them flow straight from his mind and through his fingers to the program, grouping each one with the possible answers. Next, he would begin putting possible courses of actions as solutions to the problems, depending on what the answer to the question was. From there, he could devise some sort of plan that, if nothing else, would give him the feeling that he was doing all he could be. He was good at plans.

Over an hour later, Hux had created something resembling a flowchart of impressive size. Likely intimidating to anyone else, it was practically standard for him. At his rank and with his competency, this was hardly a complex plan. He’d designed the blueprints for Starkiller himself; a mock flowchart for dealing with his broken lover was simple, mechanically speaking.

It all came down to the same ending, no matter how he thought about it. Regardless of what the issue was, it was clear Kylo couldn’t take care of himself. ‘Basic care’ was the first item on the list of his attack plan. The next bit was a little more complex; as he’d determined earlier, either his Kylo was gone forever (a thought he had to carefully seal away in a mental box far, far away from the durasteel vault he stored his emotions in), or he needed to be reawakened. The solution to the first problem was to attempt to rebuild him as much as possible (even though he knew full well that that Kylo wouldn’t be the same, another thought he had to lock away), while the solution to the second problem was to do what he could to jumpstart that process. Both of those things, he decided, amounted to the same course of action: expose Kylo to familiar environments, stimulus, and information until there was a reaction. From there, Hux could analyze the reactions, gain new data, and adjust his plan as needed. Beyond that, there wasn’t really much else he determined to be worth doing.

Hux exhaled slowly. Somehow, he felt better. He knew this was still largely out of his control, and whatever Snoke wanted the result to be was what would play out, to a certain extent. But having a plan made him feel more in control. He could alter the course, or perhaps the specifics of the results. That was something and he was going to take it.

Kylo was still at the table, staring off into space. Being in Hux’s quarters, where he basically lived now, was a good start for familiarity, Hux decided. But what else could he do to jog Kylo’s memories of who he was? Read him mission reports for the ones he’d participated in? Set him down with a bunch of relevantly educational holos? Take him on tours around the ship? It sounded silly, even in Hux’s own mind, but he was at a loss of what else to do. None of it seemed like it would do any harm, at least.

Hux grabbed another datapad and made his way over to Kylo, loading up the first thing that came to mind: a holodocumentary about the previous war that focused on the Empire. It wasn’t necessarily Kylo’s preferred form of entertainment (he usually fell asleep when Hux turned them on), but it was at least vaguely relevant. It also had the advantage of having some segments about the grandfather Kylo idolized so much. That’s what Hux told himself, at least, as he placed the datapad in front of Kylo and pressed play.

Kylo just watched his movements blankly, not even glancing at the datapad.

“Watch this,” Hux ordered, pointing at the screen, almost nodding to himself when Kylo did so without hesitation.

A few hours of Hux working while Kylo watched holos, another meal, and one frustrating experience of getting Kylo ready for bed later, Hux was lying in bed with Kylo next to him, frowning at the official First Order filebanks. Maybe this wasn’t the best method. It wasn’t as if Kylo cared about the specifications of ships, or personnel records. He ended up selecting only three: the unfortunately lacking file on the Knights of Ren, the even shorter entry on Kylo himself, and Hux’s own. These were the things that Kylo was familiar with. This was probably a stupid idea, but Hux wasn’t going to throw away something that might help just because it seemed foolish.

“When you’re ready to sleep, sleep,” Hux said, looking at Kylo. “Until then, just listen to what I say.”

With that, Hux started reading, Kylo watching his mouth as he went. It didn’t take long, really, since Hux’s own file was the only one that actually had any substance to it. At the end, Kylo was still watching him. Hux looked back, unable to stop himself from searching Kylo’s face for even a hint of recognition. He didn’t find any and, by the time he was done, Kylo had laid his head back fully and closed his eyes.

That settled, Hux turned over, inching away from Kylo such that there was a clear gap between them, and seriously considered whether he should be sharing a bed with him at all right now. Kylo wasn’t in a position to say no to anything, even if the bed-sharing was completely innocent, in this case. But really, it _was_ innocent. And, this way, if something happened in the night, Hux would be closer. Staying was the practical solution.

Hux was also pleased with his decision when he woke in the night to Kylo having moved across the bed to close the gap between them. It wasn’t cuddling proper, simply just two bodies lying beside each other that happened to be touching, but Hux decided to take it as a good sign. It was the only real movement he’d seen Kylo do of his own accord, so he’d take it, falling back asleep almost immediately.

* * *

_It had been three days since they’d returned to the Finalizer, now en route to Snoke’s base. Hux was in his quarters, burning eyes squinting at the damage reports that seemed to show more and more losses by the hour. He hadn’t left his quarters since he’d made it to them, and could no longer remember if he’d slept at all since the first night cycle when they’d docked. There was too much to do, too much to consider, too much to dread._

_Hux took a deep drink of his brandy, no longer certain whether he was trying to drown out his thoughts or simply just drown. Starkiller, his dream, was nothing but dust and debris. Everything Hux had worked for was gone. He’d failed. Snoke was surely going to kill him and then he would be dead, never having amounted to anything just like he’d always feared, just like his father had always said. Useless, weak,_ a failure, _he was nothing–_

_The chime of his door interrupted Hux’s ruminations. He frowned, having honestly no idea why someone would think fit to bother him right now. Everyone had their orders. What could possibly be so important that they couldn’t use the comm?_

_The door chimed again and Hux’s frown turned to a scowl. Fine. He took another long drink, steeling himself. He knew he was a wreck – his hair was disheveled and he’d neither shaved nor showered since first arriving. At this point, though, he was too exhausted and drunk to care._

_When he opened the door to find Kylo Ren on the other side, Hux started to seriously wonder if he was either dreaming or hallucinating. He blinked, uncertain what to do with this development. What the kriff could Ren want from him at a time like this?_

_“Should you really be moving?” Hux asked, taking in the bandages still covering his face and, likely, his side – it’d been too late for bacta to help much by the time they’d made it to the Finalizer. Ren still looked drawn and deathly pale._

_“No,” was all Ren said as he pushed into the room, uninvited._

_“Then why are you here? If you’re expecting me to play nursemaid for you, you’re going to be sorely disappointed.”_

_“I’m not,” Ren answered, turning to look at Hux properly now, eyes widening slightly at his ruined state._

_“Then please, enlighten me as to why you’ve sought to grace me with your presence.” The words dripped with sarcasm. “I’m busy, you know.”_

_“Yes, I do,” Ren said, cryptically as always. “You’ve been thinking very loudly.”_

_Hux swallowed down the rush of fear and shame at being discovered like that. The feelings quickly turned to outrage; how dare Ren listen in on his private thoughts at a time like this? How many damned times had Hux told him to stay in his own head?_

_“Stay out of my head,” he snapped, returning to his seat at the desk with a barely controlled stumble. He was too tired to argue and stand at the same time._

_“You’re making it very hard to block you out,” Ren said, seeming unaffected._

_Hux pinched the bridge of his nose. “Fine, I’ll try to ‘think quieter’. Now, for once, please, just listen when I tell you to_ get out. _”_

_Ren looked offended, which baffled Hux because he had no reason to be._ He _was the intruder here. He didn’t_ get _to be offended during this conversation._

_Ren took a deep breath then, apparently calming himself. “Snoke isn’t going to kill you.”_

_“What?” The word was out of Hux’s mouth before he gave it permission and he cursed himself for it._

_“Your weapon worked. You obliterated the Republic. You are not a failure,” Ren continued, and Hux was finding it strangely hard to breathe. “The fault was mine. I’m the one who’s going to be punished.”_

_“How could you possibly know that?” Hux asked, skipping right over the part where Ren had actually admitted his responsibility for something. That was far too strange for Hux’s exhausted, intoxicated brain to comprehend._

_Ren paused, looking uncertain. “I… I’ve thought about it, meditated on it, gone over it hundreds of times. The fault was mine. Nothing you did led to our defeat.”_

_Hux’s chest was far too tight to be acceptable. Words like this from Ren, of all people, shouldn’t mean anything, and yet they were having an effect. Perhaps it was the exhaustion, or the alcohol, or maybe it was simply because Ren was actually taking responsibility and saying something bordering on nice to him._

_“Why are you telling me this?” Hux asked, his voice more tense than he really wanted._

_Ren cocked his head to the side, as if confused. “I’m telling you so you’ll stop disturbing me with your constant rumination.”_

_Hux let out a breath he hadn’t realized he’d been holding. He wasn’t sure what answer he’d expected, honestly, only that ever since he’d picked Ren up out of the snow, too many strange things had happened with the man for them to be dismissed. The way Ren had reached out to him, that he’d screamed Hux’s name in the shuttle, been calmed enough to be sedated only when Hux had spoken to him. And, now, that he was apparently trying to do something nice. It didn’t add up._

_Ren made a noise that was somewhere between a huff and a laugh. “Don’t mistake my intentions. I could barely_ think _with the disruption of your self-pitying ramblings. I merely wished to have some peace.”_

_Hux narrowed his gaze. Of course. He should have known Ren was still just as selfish. The actions of a hurt, nearly dying man meant nothing. Ren was the same as always; it was a testament to Hux’s state of mind that he’d had to be reminded of that._

_“Then if you’re quite done with it,” Hux snapped, “I suggest you leave. Both my head and my room.”_

_Ren did so without another word and Hux, as if suddenly remembering he had it, downed his drink in one gulp. He stood, then, grumbling about Ren and cursing his own wobbling, and carefully made his way to his bed. When he collapsed on the much-softer-than-he-remembered surface, Hux was asleep in seconds._


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I may have played a little fast and loose with First Order ranking here. The very, very limited information I was able to find seems to suggest that yes, Generals are the top and do outrank Admirals. I know everyone just kind of decided that anyways, given how much influence Hux, specifically, seems to have, but I really wanted to be sure. Anyways, this is a mildly pointless note but I’m putting it here anyways haha

After a few days of the emotionally draining task that was taking care of Kylo, Hux was forced to leave his quarters for the longest time since this had started. They’d finally reached their target destination after that hiccup with the engines and Hux had an assault to command. If he’d expected to feel guilty yet relieved to finally have something else to do, he would have been wrong. As much as constantly seeing Kylo like this hurt, he didn’t want to leave him alone. Kylo had always hated being alone.

Hux set up the datapad with another holodocumentary (he’d have to start acquiring more soon – his personal collection had seemed large until now), queued two more to play automatically after, and left Kylo sitting at the table in his quarters, as Hux often did while he worked. When Hux wasn’t working, he’d taken to talking to him. Talking about everything from what he did that day, as he would have if Kylo had been able to respond, to stories from the past including one or both of them. He wasn’t sure if it helped, but Kylo watched him the entire time, eyes trained right on his mouth to see every word that came out. It couldn’t be making anything worse, Hux figured, and it was at least helping him stay sane in the face of the circumstances.

He left his quarters after a final, lingering look at Kylo, who was staring directly at the datapad, and made his way to the bridge. Traxus 7 was a planet they’d thought about acquiring before, but had decided it wasn’t worth the effort with Starkiller so close to completion. Now, though, they needed resources. They’d done well at rebuilding and growing, mostly thanks to Hux’s decisions, but if they were going to win, they needed to do better still, better than they had when they’d still had a superweapon. This was but one of many tasks on the list.

“Sir, we’ve successfully entered orbit around Traxus 7,” Mitaka announced as soon as Hux reached the bridge. If the lieutenant was surprised to see him, he did a good job of hiding it.

“Excellent. Has the Conquest arrived yet?” he asked, referring to the second Star Destroyer that was to participate in this battle.

“They dropped out of hyperspace a few minutes ago and are now joining us in orbit, sir,” Unamo answered.

“Once they’ve finished, comm Admiral Kalix immediately. I don’t want them having a chance to prepare once they’ve noticed our ships in their space. Our intelligence suggests the Resistance already has a foothold here and we don’t want any surprises,” Hux said, looking over the intel displayed before him once again as they waited.

Of course, he didn’t need to look over any of the information again. He’d spent long enough planning this assault that every detail he needed to know had already been memorized. If everything went according to plan, and there was absolutely no reason why it shouldn’t, then they’d have the planet under their control by the end of the cycle. Hux didn’t care for lengthy assaults, if he could avoid them; it was far better to apply pressure just in the spots they needed to and squeeze those points until the enemy yielded. They always yielded eventually.

Moments later, the Admiral appeared on screen, saluting. The woman had dark skin and darker hair, the latter pulled up into a strict bun. Her features were soft at first glance, but her expression gave her face a severity that otherwise would not have been possible. Working with Kalix had been Hux’s choice; she was capable, perceptive, and she knew the value of her own tactical mind well enough that she could actually challenge and give useful insight for Hux’s plans without seeming like she was trying to undermine him. He respected her immensely for it.

“Sir,” she said, dropping her hand after he returned the salute, “my troops are ready to deploy to the pre-determined locations as soon as you give the word.”

This was a prime example of why he liked her; she cared for preparedness just as much as he did. He never had to question whether or not she would be up to the task.

“Excellent. Captain Phasma will be leading my squads. I trust Captain Barrett has been briefed and is prepared for the mission on your end?”

“Indeed. I take it Kylo Ren did not return in time to lead the ground team, then?” she asked.

Hux stiffened and had to take a moment to remind himself that Kalix knew nothing of Kylo’s condition and that this was a perfectly legitimate question before he bit out a scathing retort he’d later regret. He’d mentioned to her that if Kylo had returned in time to take part, Hux would recommend him to lead from the ground. Since he hadn’t known when Kylo would return, it had remained purely a possibility worth considering but not counting on. With Kylo as he was now, however, the reminder stung.

“He has,” Hux said carefully, “but his training has left him otherwise indisposed.”

The Admiral’s expression betrayed nothing as she said, “Shame. I assume the plan has not changed then?”

“No. We are to commence the attack as planned. Are you ready to deploy?”

“Affirmative. Once I give the word, my shuttles will drop and the mission will begin,” she answered.

“Excellent. Give the order.” Hux turned to look at the smaller screen Phasma was pictured on. “Captain Phasma, the plan as not changed. Launch from the Finalizer and have all shuttles drop to their coordinates.”

“Yes, sir,” she answered, then barked at the pilots to initiate take off.

The attack went as well as Hux predicted it would, every piece of the mechanism working smoothly and as intended. It was strangely beautiful, from his vantage point, watching the snippets from the cameras on the Stormtroopers and hearing the commands coming from their Captains. There was a moment of resistance being stronger than expected, but Kalix spotted the weakness in the opposing formation and Hux exploited it like a bared throat.

He loved this, the strange high he got from watching the battle from afar playing out precisely as he commanded, adjusting it as needed as they went. Checkpoint after checkpoint fell, and Hux launched the air team of TIE fighters at exactly the right moment, saw through the screens relaying the pilots’ view as the last command centre fell. He couldn’t see much afterwards due to the thick smoke, but the victory call of Phasma and her troops told him all he needed to know.

It was done and they had won.

All that remained was to send the negotiation party to iron out the details of the takeover. The Conquest would handle that, as planned, and Hux would keep the Finalizer in orbit only until they were certain the local government had truly acquiesced. With their pathetic military all but extinguished, it was only a matter of time, but caution was always wise.

Hux then returned to his quarters, still high on adrenalin and barely feeling the hours that had passed during the battle. The afterglow only faded when he thought of Kylo, how he wished he could’ve been there to see their victory, to see how Hux was guiding them back on the path they needed to be on. He was always so proud and nearly giddy when Hux returned victorious.

The door to his quarters slid open with a whisper and there was the man in question, staring off into the distance. The holos must have run out before the attack was done and Hux mentally cursed himself for not preparing more. Surely, keeping Kylo’s mind stimulated was important to his goal here.

He spent the evening telling Kylo about the assault, how handily they’d won thanks to the diligent planning, explaining every detail he could with the memories so fuzzed by endorphins. He would have done just the same had Kylo been able to respond.

“I wish you could’ve joined us,” Hux lamented while poking at his dinner, watching Kylo eat his mechanically. “You would’ve laughed at how easy it was. We would have finished even sooner with your help.”

Hux’s thoughts soured after he’d said it, realizing that if Kylo did have any awareness, he might interpret that as blame. It wasn’t his fault he was like this, Hux was nearly positive. It must have been Snoke, someone who claimed not only to wish to help the Order despite being completely absent for the last year or so, but also to care for Kylo despite doing this to him. It may not have made sense for Snoke to have done so, but Hux could not come up with another explanation.

“I’m sorry, darling,” Hux said, stirring around his nearly untouched meal. “It’s not your fault, I know that. I just wish I could help you. I hate seeing you like this.”

Hux’s words earned him no response and he sighed, giving up on eating for the day. The high from earlier was completely gone and he felt all the hours he’d spent in command acutely. Kylo had already finished eating, so Hux busied himself getting the man showered and changed into a fresh set of sleep clothes – he’d obtained a few more sets over the last couple days – in order to ready him before bed.

When he settled in next to Kylo, instructing him to sleep when he was ready, Hux feared he’d spend the night frustratedly tossing and turning. Blessedly, however, dreamless sleep claimed him almost immediately.

* * *

Sometime between night and morning, something must’ve woken Hux, though he did not know what. He looked over to see Kylo sitting up, looking at him with an awareness that made Hux’s heart tighten with cautious hope.

“Hux…” he said weakly, and Hux allowed himself to breathe a heavy sigh of relief; it was over, finally. “I’m sorry.”

Hux furrowed his brow, not understanding, and watched as Kylo’s eyes emptied again and his gaze lolled to the side, staring at nothing in particular. He sat up immediately, panic seizing him.

“Kylo!” he shouted, shaking Kylo’s shoulders desperately. “Kylo, can you hear me? Kylo, please, _please_ , don’t slip away again! Come back to me! I can’t lose you!”

Kylo continued to stare blankly, yielding nothing no matter how much Hux begged him. Hux’s grip slipped and he slumped, stomach sinking. He didn’t know how long it was before he collapsed further, leaning his forehead against Kylo’s chest, trying desperately to swallow down the renewed feeling of crushed hope.

* * *

_Ren did not leave him alone. That first night, he had indeed gone and let Hux sleep off the alcohol, but Hux had apparently been mistaken when he’d assumed that meant the end of it. Ren must have truly been bored while in recovery, because he simply would not leave Hux be. Being pestered by a looming figure while he tried to work was not new, not by any stretch, but Ren’s presence in his personal space, on his downtime? That was._

_Hux had given up on trying to kick him out. If he didn’t know better, Hux would have guessed Ren was lonely, given that the nightly visits and forced conversation followed by, admittedly, juvenile sniping meant that they’d spoken more in the last few days of travel than they had in the previous five years of working together. Oh, if only they could’ve made the jump straight to Snoke’s planet, Hux would’ve been spared this torture. But the damage sustained by the debris coming off Starkiller would have to be repaired before they could even consider going to hyperspace. They could’ve done the repairs already, of course, and then made the jump to save time, but Snoke had decreed they make no stops. Which meant the journey would take a few weeks; weeks that would, apparently, be filled with late night chats with Ren, of all people._

_It was as such tonight: Hux seated behind his desk, drinking, with Ren sitting on the other side of the desk, being generally annoying._

_“Y-You wouldn’t understand,” Ren muttered, in that infuriatingly dismissive tone Hux was becoming less and less tolerant of._

_“Then why don’t you explain it to me, Ren? You always say that, yet you never bother to try,” Hux said, pausing to take a deep drink. “I’m sure I’d understand perfectly well if you actually took the time to give me more than cryptic dismissals.”_

_Ren looked taken aback; this was the first time Hux had come close to showing an interest in his ‘Force’ nonsense. It wasn’t as though Hux didn’t believe in it – he didn’t really have a choice after spending so much time with Ren – but that didn’t mean he understood the fanatical attitude Ren had about it. Was it not just a skill, a certain ability most weren’t born with an aptitude for? Why did it always need to be practiced in a pseudo-religious way? It didn’t make sense to someone like Hux, who didn’t have a spiritual bone in his body._

_“But you think the Force-”_

_“-is mostly superstitious nonsense? Yes, I do,” Hux said, casually refilling his glass with brandy. “So go ahead, Ren: enlighten me. Prove me wrong.”_

_It was an obvious bait, Hux knew, but he also knew it would have Ren chomping at the bit to do exactly what he’d said. He wasn’t certain why he’d felt the need to challenge Ren so, but he would’ve been lying if he said he wasn’t the slightest bit curious. Hux had read about the Force before, back when he’d first learned he’d be working with a Knight of Ren on a regular basis, but he was sure he’d learn more from the user himself. New information was always useful._

_“It’s not… it isn’t easy to explain to someone who’s never felt it,” Ren said, looking sullen._

_“Did I not just ask you to try? Explain the whole…” Hux waved his hand vaguely. “…light and dark thing. Are they not just two sides of the same coin? Why does it even matter?”_

_“That’s-” Ren’s voice jumped in volume, anger flashing in his eyes. “It matters.”_

_Hux said nothing and waited, as Ren still hadn’t answered his question. Really, was the man unaware of what an explanation was?_

_Ren took a deep, presumably calming breath. “They are two sides of the same coin. In a way. There are worthy aspects on both sides, but the dark is far more valuable on its own.”_

_“Is that so?”_

_“Yes. The dark is better – it is power, passion, strength. The light is weak but. To truly master the Force, the Supreme Leader has taught me that I must find balance, that using the light can strengthen my power.” Ren paused, seeming to think on what he’d say next. “The difficulty is in using the light without letting it into me. It weakens me. It’s a tool for me to use, but I cannot let it use me.”_

_Hux didn’t know what to say to that, so he simply replied, “I see.”_

_“Do you, General?” Ren said, sounding somewhere between mocking and annoyed. “Or was I right about you being unable to understand?”_

_Hux narrowed his eyes. “I assumed there was more to your explanation, Ren. You still haven’t told me anything.”_

_Ren opened his mouth but Hux cut him off before he could speak, “You’ve not yet told me what they even are, or how they work. You’ve only told me what these supposed two sides do, and vaguely at that. Honestly, it can’t be that difficult.”_

_Hux took another drink when he was done, finishing the glass. He frowned at it for a moment before pouring another. He really shouldn’t drink this much, especially in Ren’s presence, but, truthfully, he still wasn’t convinced he wouldn’t be dead as soon as they reached Snoke. What was the point in limiting himself now?_

_Ren paused, staring at a random point on Hux’s desk. Hux sincerely hoped he was thinking about a better explanation and not just going mute in an attempt to end the conversation. Despite himself, Hux was interested now._

_“The dark is… it’s emotion, mostly. You’ve seen me when I’m angry.” Ren gave him the barest hint of a smile, discordant with the flashbacks of broken equipment and strangled officers playing through Hux’s mind. “But it’s not only anger, sadness, pain. Those help bring me closer to the dark, but the light forbids all. Darth Vader turned to the dark out of love for his wife, a love the Jedi,” Ren spat the word, “told him was wrong, like every other emotion.”_

_It was curious that Ren had jumped right to love as his secondary example, Hux thought, but bringing up his treasured grandfather made enough sense to make up for it. Hux took another sip, contemplating a response, but Ren apparently wasn’t done._

_“It’s not just showing emotions,” he continued, becoming a little more worked up with every word, “it’s feeling them at all. They call it peace. Really, it just turns you into a husk.”_

_Ren was breathing heavy, his hands clenched into fists as he finished. Hux contemplated his words while he waited for Ren to either calm down or continue. He knew the man’s history; he was one of the few who truly did, but he hadn’t thought the Jedi to be like that. Hux had always seen them as more of overly idealistic fools, frequently squandering their abilities when they could be doing something productive with them._

_“You may be practically a droid,” Ren said, causing Hux to scowl, “but even you must see a use to emotions. Would you be where you are without passion? Without ambition?”_

_Ren had a point, Hux had to admit. He wouldn’t have risen through the ranks so quickly without his own drive pushing him on. Without his own bitterness, anger, and pride he likely would’ve ended up as nothing, just like his father had told him he would. He controlled his emotions – used them instead of letting them use him, to borrow Ren’s phrasing – but he couldn’t deny they were necessary to succeed._

_“I suppose you have a point, Ren,” Hux conceded. “So the light and the dark, then, are just your emotional state when you tap into it? Light is what you call it when there’s no emotional drive, and dark is what you call it when there is a powerful one? That seems overly dichotomous. Surely, there’s a middle ground. What is it called when the emotion is there, but weak?”_

_“That’s… It’s not that simple,” Ren said, furrowing his brow. “What side you align with is – it’s more like an average? A general philosophy? I’m not_ always _emotional when I use the Force, but it’s emotion that I draw on for more power. When I need it.”_

_Hux made a thoughtful noise and took another sip of his drink. It still seemed like an unnecessary divide to him, and it appeared either Ren had some doubts about it he’d never thought of before or he was simply having trouble putting all of this into words. Perhaps Hux truly would not be able to understand without feeling it firsthand._

_“It’d be so much easier if I could show you…” Ren’s voice was nearly a whisper, so soft and low Hux almost didn’t catch it. “I wish I could.”_

_Maybe it was the alcohol talking, or Hux’s curiosity making him foolish, but he found himself saying, just as softly, “I wish you could, too.”_


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aaaand here we have the E rating finally kicking in! Don't say I didn't warn you lmao

Days passed in annoying regularity, each one seeming the same as the one before it. Hux let himself got lost in routine, in _order_ , the way he always had. Between his duties and taking care of Kylo, he tried to eliminate any free time he could use to dwell. Dwelling led to the sorts of feelings that made Hux wish he didn’t have them at all and the only way to eliminate those was to drink, something he swore he wouldn’t fall back on again after the dark times post-Starkiller.

He wished he could say Kylo was improving, but there were still no signs of life. The words he’d spoken that one night remained the only positive sign he’d seen since this had started. In desperation, Hux had caved and gone to the medics again, hoping for some sort of treatment. They ran more tests, attempted a few treatments for catatonia, but nothing changed. They’d promised to keep working on a solution and Hux had barked at them to be sure they did, then kicked them out of the room and slumped over his desk.

Hux was at a loss as to what more he could even attempt. He was trying everything he could, talking to Kylo, keeping him somewhere familiar, and – Hux hoped – keeping his mind active with the holos. He looked again at his original plan and considered taking Kylo on a tour of the ship. It might help, but at the same time, Hux knew Kylo wouldn’t want to be seen like this. Hux didn’t want that either.

He sighed, dropping his forehead into his hand and staring at his desk as if the plain durasteel would provide answers. He could hear the holo he had Kylo watching in the background, straining his ears for more signs of life from Kylo. He’d talked once, after all, so he could theoretically do so again at any time.

The chime of Hux’s comm brought him out of his thoughts. He’d left explicit instructions not to be bothered directly unless it was an emergency, so either someone on his crew was an idiot and due to be transferred somewhere inhospitable or something serious was actually occurring. He answered it without a thought.

Phasma popped up on the screen, mood indecipherable given her helmet. “Sir. I’m sorry to disturb you while you’re following the Supreme Leader’s orders, but we have a situation.”

“What is it, Captain?” Hux’s pulse was racing now; Phasma would not contact him right now if it wasn’t truly dire.

“We have one Stormtrooper dead and another missing,” Phasma said and that was odd, but not the worst thing that could have happened; it didn’t happen often, but the conditioning process did have faults, as FN-2187 had so clearly proven. “We also have reports of multiple attempts at unauthorized transmissions by the missing Trooper.”

That got Hux’s attention. “Transmissions to whom?”

“We’re not sure, sir, but they were all outside of the Order’s network. The Trooper’s clearance isn’t high enough to allow for that, so Communications was alerted the instant it happened. Multiple terminals were tried in a surprisingly short amount of time and we’ve had silence since then.”

Hux frowned – this was serious. “Send out search parties and call an emergency meeting. There is most likely a spy on board. I’ll head to Briefing Room 3 immediately.”

Phasma nodded, likely have already come to the same conclusion. “It’ll be done, sir.”

Hux looked at Kylo, still sitting at the table and staring blankly at the datapad, and ignored the ache in his chest in favour of leaving and dealing with the problem at hand. This, he could fix, and he had to. He could not let this spy transmit whatever they’d found. They had to be found quickly and dealt with immediately.

It was a short walk to Briefing Room 3, it being the closest to Hux’s quarters, and Hux was pleased to see that Phasma and the Stormtroopers that reported directly to her were there. Unamo was also present, likely to report on behalf of Communications.

“What do we know?” Hux asked, ignoring the salutes as he walked in.

“Stormtrooper TL-3482 was found dead by her bunk, killed by a point-blank blaster shot,” Phasma began. “Stormtrooper KF-9663, who was bunked in the same room, is missing. He had disembarked the ship when we refueled last cycle and had reported to me afterwards. Nothing appeared out of the ordinary at the time.”

“We discovered the unauthorized communications shortly before Captain Phasma found the body, sir,” Unamo added. “KF-9663 attempted to access four terminals in close vicinity to the barracks and send a transmission to unknown entities outside the Order’s network. That was about 30 minutes ago, sir.”

Hux cursed internally; on a ship as large as the Finalizer, 30 minutes was enough time to get far enough away from the scene that it wouldn’t be suspicious. In their armour, all Stormtroopers were identical outside of their designation plates, and stopping every single passing one to read their designation was not a quick process. It was a shame putting trackers into all of them was simply not feasible, economically speaking.

“The spy was likely picked up at the port we stopped at yesterday. I would ask if KF-9663 was left alone at any point during the resupply, but ascertaining that would take time we simply do not have. The worst case scenario is that a member of the Resistance incapacitated or killed him and took his place, so we must operate as if that were the case.” Hux met the eyes or where he thought the eyes were of each person in attendance. “We must find this spy before they manage to find anything useful, escape, or hack a terminal to send the transmission they attempted to earlier. Capture would be preferred, but lethal force is fully authorized.”

“All Stormtroopers have been alerted and we have six dedicated squads looking for them now, sir,” Phasma said. “I will lead my squadron as well, but this will not be an easy search.”

“Send as many as you can, Captain. We _must_ catch this spy.” Phasma left with a nod, so Hux turned to Unamo. “Is there anything we can get from their terminal access? Perhaps not directly related to the transmission, but anything that can give us a hint as to where they might be going.”

Unamo pulled out her datapad and tapped at it for a few seconds. “They first accessed the personnel records, beginning with KF-9663’s. They then looked for records on the officers, yours included. They also looked at Lord Ren’s, perhaps determining that he’s on board.”

Hux ignored the uncomfortable feeling in his stomach at the mention of Kylo and gestured for her to go on.

“They then accessed the map of the Finalizer, though they didn’t stay on it long. They flipped through a number of other files, all of which contained basic information, nothing that could really be of value. At best, they were able to determine the name of the ship and who was on it, though only you and Lord Ren would likely mean anything to them. It was then that they tried to send a transmission, only to get the alert that they didn’t have the clearance to do so.”

“After that, they moved to the other terminals, trying the transmission each time. It looks like desperation to me, sir,” Unamo said, and Hux had to agree with that assessment. “At the last terminal, they spent about ten minutes on the map, presumably planning a route somewhere. They tried to transmit again and we haven’t heard from them since they logged off.”

“I appreciate the thoroughness of your report, Chief Petty Officer,” Hux said, the details already swirling in his mind. “You’re dismissed for now. Comm me immediately if there is another attempt anywhere on the ship.”

Unamo left and Hux found himself pacing the room, trying to put the pieces together. Clearly, the spy was in over their head, likely looking for a way out or calling for backup. They hadn’t been here long enough and hadn’t accessed anything sensitive enough to be reporting information back already. They’d ascertained what ship they were on, perhaps recognized Hux’s or Kylo’s names, given their prominence, and then desperately tried to get a message out. That would likely remain their primary goal.

Thus, that left a few options. They could try the hangar bay, to either steal a ship or stowaway on one in order to escape. They would be caught, then, as the security in the hangar had been increased severely after the incident with FN-2187. As for getting a message out, they may try to hack into the communications array manually, if they had the skill. That’s what Hux would have tried, at least, were he in their hopeless position, though Hux would never have left a body out in the open to be discovered. He sent a quick message to Phasma informing her to send a squad to check the array and was pleased to see the response that she’d already done so.

But was there anywhere else they could go that might work? The bridge, obviously, but that would involve either impressive subterfuge they hadn’t displayed so far or a swath of destruction they very clearly weren’t capable of if they’d left only one body behind. Hux had already run through the most efficient options, but he also knew his ship and how the Order worked. If someone didn’t and desperately wanted to override their limited authorization…

It hit him right as an alarm went off on his datapad, informing him that there had been an attempted breach of his quarters. Hux dropped the datapad and was running before he even knew it, grateful not to have worn his gloves as he pulled out his blaster. He was close, very close, but the intruder was already there and…

_Kylo!_

* * *

_To Hux’s abject horror, he and Ren developed a sort of familiarity rather faster than he thought possible. There weren’t many people Hux was able to converse with candidly, given his rank, and he eventually had to begrudgingly admit he was enjoying this. Ren was still temperamental, annoyingly cryptic, and had a lack of understanding of the word ‘privacy’, but he could keep up with Hux, could keep him interested, and had expertise in areas Hux did not. They were evenly matched, more so than Hux had realized before. Ren was even capable of making him_ laugh _, an impossible task if there ever was one._

_Hux had come to look forward to their discussions. They were a welcome break from the reality around him, the one where the Order was in legitimate danger of not recovering and where he was fairly certain he wouldn’t be around to fix it. Snoke was surely smart enough to pick someone worthy as his successor, but would they be able to do what Hux could? Was Hux truly as indispensable as he’d worked to make himself, or was he just another piece on the board, one that could be replaced with a little planning and forethought?_

_“Hux?”_

_He hadn’t realized he’d been sucked into his own thoughts until Ren said his name, tone somewhere between annoyed and… concerned? What had they been discussing? Hux stared into his whiskey – he’d run out of brandy some time ago – as if it could provide some clues. It’d been a rather pleasant night up until this exact moment, but that was all he could determine, his spinning mind hyperfocused on his impending doom._

_“You’re doing it again,” Ren said, eyes narrowed._

_“Doing what?” Hux snapped, pleasantly surprised to hear he wasn’t slurring yet; the room was spinning enough to make it a very real possibility._

_“_ Ruminating _,” Ren said, exasperated. “I already told you: you’re not the one who needs to be worried.”_

_“Forgive me for not taking your word for it when you know no more than I do,” Hux said, his voice still harsh; all of the calm comfort from before was gone._

_Ren let out a frustrated growl and stood up, circling his chair and looking profoundly irritated. Hux clutched his drink closer, as if hiding behind it. Why had he ever thought civility and companionship could be found with Ren?_

_Ren whirled around, hands tightly gripping the back of his abandoned chair. “Do you even know why you’re here? Why Snoke selected you?”_

_“Because I’m an engineer capable of designing a superweapon and I was able to adapt the Stormtrooper program from my father’s methods,” Hux answered automatically; he knew what his value was._

_Ren was staring at him intensely, a strange heat in his dark eyes, the nearly healed scar only intensifying it further. He waited a few more breaths, just staring, before he shook his head faintly._

_“That’s not the main reason, Hux. Well, okay, the plans for Starkiller got his attention, but that’s not why he made you a General, gave you the flagship of the Order,” Ren said, very slowly, as if he were talking to a child. “He saw…_ something _in you. Snoke doesn’t let just anyone report directly to him._ _You were_ chosen _, just as I was. You’re more important than you know.”_

_Hux felt his eyebrows shoot up so high it was as if they were trying to defect from his face and join the hair on his head. “What the kriff are you babbling about?”_

_“Snoke doesn’t just throw away what he considers valuable,” Ren said, then finally turned his piercing gaze away to stare at the floor. “It may not be pleasant, what he does do, but he knows better. Knows_ best _.”_

_Hux got the distinct feeling they weren’t talking about him anymore, but that was for the best. He’d long ago given up on seeing any other way out for himself; a happy ending was too risky to hope for at the moment. Ren though… Hux hadn’t considered what might be waiting for him. Could it be a fate worse than death?_

_Silence hung over the room, broken only by their breathing and Hux’s swallows of his drink, chasing the buzz in the hopes he could hide from his own thoughts in it. It was far from comfortable, but the thought of breaking the quiet was somehow worse. Up until now, these nights had been a light distraction from the shadow hanging over them both. Now, it was back full force._

_“It might be best for you to go now, Ren,” Hux said, pouring himself another drink after he abruptly realized his glass was empty; if Ren couldn’t provide adequate distraction, then at least he could get himself there. Alcohol may have been the only option he had access to, but it was perfectly capable of taking his mind off the issue._

_Ren was giving him a strange look, one he couldn’t place. Something in his eyes glinting in a way Hux didn’t like. Before Hux could snap out a ‘what?’, Ren was approaching his desk, his lips set in determination. He placed – not slammed, not slapped, but_ gently placed _– his palms on Hux’s desk and paused for a long moment, freezing Hux with him, and then he was leaning forward._

_It took Hux far too long to figure out what was happening. There were lips – soft, warm, full lips – on his, a firm but not demanding pressure. And Hux’s first instinct was to kiss back, so that’s what he did, closing his eyes and meeting that perfect pressure. He moved, ever so slightly, opening his mouth to nibble at Ren’s lower lip-_

_Wait._

_Ren’s lip._

_Hux pulled back with a start, eyes wide, suddenly completely sober. Ren was looking at him, an odd, almost hopeful look on his face. He’d kissed him. Ren had just kriffing kissed him. There wasn’t enough alcohol in the world to drown that out. Especially considering he’d actually been rather good-_

_No, that thought was not going to happen._

_The hopeful look slid from Ren’s face fast as Hux just continued to stare, too shocked to speak or move. Suddenly, Ren spun around, mumbling something as he left and stormed off. Hux’s eyes didn’t leave the spot where Ren had been standing until a number of minutes after he’d left._

_Hux then proceeded to slam back his mostly full glass and pour himself another._

* * *

_Ren did not come the next night and Hux was glad for it. Three more nights passed with no sign of Ren anywhere and a small niggling of worry was starting to gnaw at the back of Hux’s brain, and not just because there were precious few days left before they arrived at Snoke’s base. Every night brought more dread, building to the point that it was starting to become a panic. Ren’s reckless, thoughtless action (for he did not want to name precisely what that action was) had ruined Hux’s escape from his own thoughts in their conversations. Damn him. And especially damn those stupid, pouty lips of his that had haunted Hux’s dreams for several days._

_His lips had been so impossibly soft…_

_It was when they were due to arrive in just 12 standard hours that Hux caved. He couldn’t stand it anymore. The silence of his own quarters was making everything worse, he hadn’t spoken to anyone in person in days, and he’d finished the last of his alcohol stash a few hours ago. He should’ve probably been more worried that the amount he’d started with only a few weeks ago usually lasted him close to a year._

_However, there were more important things to do. He stood up and strode to his door, intent on finding Ren, bringing him here, and doing… something. There was a part of Hux’s brain that was blaring alarm klaxons, asking him just what the fuck he thought he was doing, telling him there was no way this could end well, but the remaining alcohol in his system managed to quiet it enough that he continued on, heedless of his own warnings._

_He was very likely going to die tomorrow, anyways. Why bother being sensible? No amount of restraint would save him now._

_Hux opened the door and stepped outside to see Ren just two steps away, shock written plainly on his face. And then there was… Kriff, was Kylo Ren blushing? Hux had clearly caught him coming back on his own. Well. He could work with that._

_“Well, come on in, then,” Hux said, when Ren still hadn’t moved, and he let himself smirk. “It’s obvious you were coming to see me.”_

_Ren’s face got a touch redder and, oh, embarrassment suited him. He then followed Hux into the room, standing awkwardly at the door as it whispered shut behind him. Hux didn’t give him time to do or say anything before he pushed him up against the shut door, crashing their mouths together. Ren let out a noise of surprise but Hux ignored it, instead taking advantage of Ren’s parted lips and shoving his tongue through the gap. Ren melted against him, eagerly meeting every press of lips and swipe of tongue. Hux finally forced himself to pull away, dragging his teeth over Ren’s lower lip as he did._

_“Bed,” he said, voice hoarser than he was truly comfortable with._

_Ren nodded a bit too enthusiastically and then Hux turned, making his way towards his bedroom with Ren following in his wake. Hux didn’t allow himself to think about what he was doing, knew he’d stop himself if he did. He wanted this. He wanted to have Ren writhing and crying out beneath him. He wanted to feel good and considering this may be his last night alive, he damn well deserved it._

_When they reached the bedroom, Ren opened his mouth and Hux smothered whatever he was going to say with his lips again, fingers coming up and searching for the catches to Ren’s absurd robes. He managed to find them, somehow, and pushed the outer layer off, still not breaking the kiss. Ren seemed to get the idea, then, his hands starting to work on Hux’s uniform._

_It wasn’t long before they were both stripped and Hux shoved Ren onto the bed, taking just a moment to drink in the sight. Kylo Ren, naked and looking up at him with a special kind of reverence. His face nearly sliced in half by a thick, almost healed scar that ran all the way down his shoulder and his side still bandaged but mostly healed. His scarred, muscled body showing just how much strength lay within him. His thick cock already filling, his chest flushed, and his lips parted. Hux’s head swam with the implications of it all._

_“Hux,” Ren said, when Hux had stared too long, drawing out the ‘x’ to a point that was downright obscene._

_Hux surged forward and met Ren’s lips again, crawling over Ren’s body and forcing him to move back on the bed. Hux let his hands roam free, feeling the skin and muscle and bones, the warm thrum of_ life _under his touch. How long had it been since he’d indulged in this? Hux couldn’t remember, but the way Ren was trembling beneath him and sighing at every little movement of Hux’s suggested it had been at least as long for Ren as well._

_He broke the kiss and began working his way down, nipping and sucking at Ren’s throat in a way that was bound to leave marks. It seemed to finally snap Ren out of whatever trance he’d been in and finally started touching Hux in return, hands sliding up and down Hux’s back, pulling him closer. Hux retaliated by giving one of Ren’s nipples a sharp bite and was pleased to hear the choked cry in response._

_Hux continued to tease him there, licking and sucking and biting at the sensitive nub, the flesh peaking in interest under the attentions. Ren was writhing beneath him, his hips bucking and his hands grabbing at whatever parts of Hux he could reach. Kriff, Ren was responsive. Hux’s cock throbbed at a particularly needy cry and suddenly Hux didn’t want to wait any longer._

_Detaching himself from Ren and, ignoring the eyes on him, Hux reached over to the nightstand and snatched the lube out of the drawer. Ren realized what he was grabbing and he flushed even further; with arousal or embarrassment or a mixture of both, Hux didn’t know. Either way, Hux still thought it suited him quite well._

_“Last chance to say no, Ren,” Hux said, uncapping the lube and pouring some over his fingers._

_“Hux,” Ren said again. “Please. I want this.”_

_Oh, and wasn’t that lovely? Hux wasted no time in indulging him, settling himself between Ren’s long legs, Ren’s thighs parting without any encouragement. The soft moan Ren let out when Hux slipped the first finger in was glorious and Hux made it his personal mission for the night to pull as many of those sounds as he could from Ren’s throat. There was just something so enticing about seeing Kylo Ren like this, flushed and panting, moaning for Hux’s fingers and, soon, his cock._

_Ren was unusually tight but Hux made as efficient work of prepping him as he could, eager to take him fully. Finally, he was able to withdraw, shuffling up and pressing his cock to Ren’s hole and slowly pressing in. Ren was so warm and slick, it took all of Hux’s willpower not to just immediately fuck in and actually give him adequate time to adjust. He waited until Ren was trembling around him before starting to thrust._

_And oh, if Hux thought Ren’s noises had been beautiful before, then he had no words to describe the sounds he was able to pull from him now. Hux set a steady pace, adjusting the angle as best he could and fucking Ren as thoroughly as he’d ever fucked anyone, Ren moaning and whimpering like a whore the entire time, his hands gripping tightly at Hux’s back, hips shifting to meet every thrust. Hux couldn’t help losing himself in it, letting out moans of his own as he pushed them both towards orgasm._

_It was over too soon, a hand on Ren’s cock pushing him over the edge with a wail that had Hux coming as well, shunting himself deep inside as he came, his mouth open in a silent moan. They were both sweaty, covered in fluids, but Hux was so sated he simply pulled out and rolled over, trying to catch his breath. He knew he should clean up, should kick Ren out, should regret this, but he didn’t._

_Ren looked deliciously fucked out, both of them lying there trying to catch their breath. Eventually, Hux did reach down to grab his undershirt to wipe them down with. It was disgusting and ruining his shirt was far from what Hux would normally do, but what use were clothes to a dead man?_

_Ren started shuffling, then, making to get up, and Hux continued down his path of impulsive decisions by putting a hand on Ren’s arm to stop him._

_“Stay.”_

_Ren looked at him for a long moment, then relaxed and lay back down. There was a strange intensity in Ren’s eyes, one Hux couldn’t place. Hux looked away and stared at the ceiling instead. He probably should’ve said something, but he was exhausted and still a little drunk and couldn’t think of a single word that felt right._

_After far too long spent in silence, Hux got under the blanket and rolled over onto his side, facing away from Ren. Sleep was not far away and Hux welcomed it, ready for the oblivion of night to take him away from this moment in limbo, between his impulsive decision to fuck Ren and the fate that awaited him in the morning._

_Just as he was about to drift off, Ren finally spoke, “I killed him.”_

_“Hm?”_

_“I killed him, Hux.” Ren’s voice broke at the end._

_“Killed who, Ren?”_

_“My father. On Starkiller.”_

_Hux sucked in a breath. That was not what he’d expected to hear, but it explained why Ren had been so compromised that he’d ended up bleeding out in the snow. Which also meant he’d been harbouring this secret over the last few weeks, never mentioning it. Hux wondered if the reason Ren hadn’t brought it up during one of their talks was because the act meant nothing to him or if it was because it meant_ everything _to him._

_Hux looked over his shoulder and saw Ren’s eyes, still fixed on the ceiling, glinting wetly in the darkness. That answered the question for him._

_Knowing who Ren was, who his parents were, was a privilege few had, but Hux did. He knew that meant Han Solo, hero of the rebellion and husband to the leader of the Resistance, was now dead. From what little Hux knew of the man, he could easily surmise that he’d been a better father than Hux’s own. Not that that said much, but it was enough to tell Hux that sharing his own patricidal history wouldn’t be helpful here. Hux had been happy to see the man dead; Ren, on the other hand, was obviously conflicted._

_“Did you want to?” he asked, instead._

_“I needed to,” Ren said, voice thick with a combination of sorrow and conviction._

_If it had to be done, it had to be done; there’s no use dwelling on it. That was what Hux wanted to say, but something stilled his tongue. Perhaps it was the way Ren still refused to look at him as a solitary tear escaped from the eye Hux could see. This wound, whatever its true nature, was clearly even deeper than the hole in his side had been. Hux found himself with the strange urge to reach out and touch Ren again, to attempt to soothe and comfort, but that wasn’t his problem. Fixing this would be Snoke’s job, not Hux’s. He didn’t even know where to begin with Ren._

_However, Hux found himself rolling over fully, facing Ren in the darkness. Ren finally turned to look at him, his face showing true misery, and Hux took that as a sign that he was making the correct choice. He reached out, just slightly, letting the back of his hand rest against Ren’s arm. Ren was overtaken by a sudden sob and leaned further into the touch, crying freely now, choking out something that sounded suspiciously like ‘you should have let me die’._

_Whatever strange intimacy they’d built here was clearly having an effect on both of them, especially given the way that last admission made something inside Hux twist. But, Hux figured, what did it matter if they took one night to not be themselves? He would likely die tomorrow and, from what he saw now, Ren was not going to be the same when Snoke was done with him. They could have this one night. It would mean nothing._

_And if that meant Hux holding Ren while he cried himself out and then not letting go as they slipped off to sleep, well, any consequences would be insignificant in the face of what the next morning was sure to bring for them both._


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh boy, you guys have no idea how close I was to not being able to post this today. Failed hard drives are not fun, but fortunately they were able to save everything so I didn’t have to rewrite the end of this chapter again from what I had backed up haha. Anyways, hope you enjoy!

The sprint down the hall to his quarters felt endless even though it truly took less than a minute, Hux’s mind conjuring images of Kylo having been killed in various ways by the spy. At any other time, the thought of an intruder making it to what they thought was the right place to be only to find Kylo Ren on the other side of the door would’ve been deeply amusing. Now, though, Kylo was completely unable to defend himself and the rebel in question had already killed once.

Hux turned so fast when he reached his quarters that he almost skidded, lifting his blaster and quickly scanning the room, distantly noting that his door was fully open and thus must have been forced so. Time slowed to a halt and he watched the rebel lift their blaster to point it at an oblivious Kylo’s back. Hux pulled the trigger without thinking, the shot hitting the rebel straight in the back of the head. Their body jerked from the force of it and the blaster went off, knocking Kylo forward.

Ignoring the corpse of the spy, Hux rushed to Kylo, his heart caught between his teeth. Kylo was slumped over the table, unmoving. Hux gently urged him up, relieved to see Kylo’s eyes were still open, even empty and unblinking as they were. Looking over Kylo’s body, Hux found the shot had only grazed his shoulder.

Exhaling in relief, Hux went to get the medkit from the bathroom, resolutely ignoring the part of his brain that had noticed Kylo hadn’t even tried to defend himself nor had he reacted to the pain of being shot. Kylo had yet to respond to any stimulus; this changed nothing. Hux returned to Kylo’s side and sat down before gently maneuvering his shirt off to apply bacta and bandages to the graze. It was a minor injury, but Hux’s heart still panged to see it. On some level, he felt responsible for not being here to protect him when he was this vulnerable. But the rest of him knew that the true fault lied with the supposed mentor who must have done this to him.

Once Kylo’s shoulder was taken care of, Hux carefully slipped his shirt back on and remembered to comm Phasma, informing her he’d found and killed the spy. She said she would personally come collect the corpse and oversee the searching of the body. Hux appreciated it; there would have to be a thorough investigation into this. A Resistance spy gaining access not only to the Finalizer but to his own quarters was not a trivial breach, especially after they’d tightened security in the wake of FN-2187.

With the adrenaline pumping through his veins and the relief at seeing that Kylo was alright, he didn’t think to hide him when Phasma and her squad arrived. They came in without warning, all pausing to stare at Kylo, only looking away when Hux gave them a glare he knew had the power to make any subordinate wilt. Phasma ordered her troopers out with the body, but did not leave herself.

“Yes, Captain?” Hux said, trying to suppress his irritability at what this conversation was surely going to involve.

“Permission to speak freely, sir?”

Hux sighed. “Granted.”

Phasma didn’t waste a second. “What’s wrong with him?”

“I don’t rightly know,” Hux said, allowing himself to droop a little. “He returned like this, virtually catatonic.”

“Is it permanent?”

Hux glared at her, but she didn’t seem at all affected. “I don’t know.”

“Sir… He returned weeks ago and if he hasn’t gotten better-”

“I know!” Hux snapped, immediately regretting the lapse in his temper. “I know, Phasma. I’m doing everything I can think of, but nothing’s changed.”

“And if nothing ever does? If he never wakes up? You can’t keep him like this forever.”

Hux took a shuddering breath. The last thing he needed was a reminder of what already haunted him on a daily basis. If Kylo never woke up, was like this forever… Hux wouldn’t be able to bear it, but he didn’t see a choice he could make that ended well. There was no way out of this.

“I know,” Hux said, once again, defeated.

“Be careful, sir,” Phasma replied. “Don’t let this compromise you.”

Hux wanted to glare at her again, but all he could manage was a nod. She was right and he knew it. But what was he supposed to do? Hux could count the number of people he cared for in all the galaxy on one hand and still have fingers left to spare. He was also not in the habit of letting the universe take things from him, not anymore. If he knew of something that would help Kylo, he would do it, no matter the price. But the problem was that he didn’t, didn’t even know if there _was_ anything that could help him.

“Dismissed, Captain,” Hux ordered, letting his head fall into his hands as soon as Phasma had left him alone.

A shaky sigh left Hux’s lips. He’d managed to suppress all of those thoughts and doubts about Kylo’s state, managed to convince himself it must be temporary. No matter how little sense it would make for Snoke to permanently destroy his apprentice, it was a possibility, one Hux shouldn’t have been ignoring. The very thought of it made anger flare inside Hux once again.

But there was also the nagging knowledge that Kylo could wake any day. He could wake tomorrow, or next week, or a month from now and be perfectly fine, or close enough to it. He’d already done so once, though it had been temporary. Even if Hux were to give up hope now, what would he do? Send Kylo away to some sort of hospital or asylum? Send him away and rarely see him while also risking the fact that Kylo could wake and believe himself to have been abandoned? That was absolutely not an option.

Forcing himself to imagine, even for a moment, that there was absolutely no hope, Hux was not happy with the conclusion he came to. If Kylo were truly to never wake, sending him away was not an option. Neither was keeping him here, as Hux had already let the situation compromise him, as Phasma had warned him. He thought about what Kylo would want, if he could answer one last question.

The answer was obvious: Kylo would want to die.

He would consider this state of life to be worse than death itself, worse even than the Jedi training he despised so much. He would hate to think he was a burden on anyone, that constant fear that everyone around him would throw him away like he was troublesome garbage. He would want, more than anything, for Hux to succeed regardless of his presence. Would want to look down from the living Force (or however that worked – Hux was not entirely sure) and see Hux at the helm of the force that crushed the Resistance to dust.

And Hux, as much as he’d once believed himself to be above attachments, could not fulfill that wish. Especially after nearly losing him today, getting lucky in that Kylo had likely not been noticed at first, tucked into the corner of the room at the table as he was. There was no way Hux could bear to kill him himself.

What Hux wanted to do was scream in frustration but instead he took a deep breath, reminding himself that all of this hinged on a rather large ‘if’. Kylo could very well still recover. It had been a few weeks, yes, but he could still wake any day. It was maddening, being confronted with a problem he could find no way to solve, an outcome he had no way to control or predict.

These thoughts, however, wouldn’t help, so Hux forced himself to stand. He sent a comm out to request a technician to come repair his door and then urged Kylo up. Kylo followed the direction automatically but he did seem to favour his uninjured side as he pushed himself up. That was a good sign; Hux was no medic, but he was sure a complete lack of response to pain would’ve been a dire warning if there ever was one.

He led Kylo to his bedroom, setting him up in bed to prevent the technician from seeing him when they inevitably came. Hux also ordered dinner for Kylo, his own stomach still far too knotted from the adrenalin and dread to even consider eating. Lacking anything better to do while he waited for both Kylo’s food and the technician, Hux took off his boots and his uniform jacket and laid in bed next to Kylo, working on a datapad and narrating what he was doing.

The time passed quickly; the technician came and left without disturbing them, the sound of their torch the only indication from outside the confines of the bedroom that they’d come at all. Dinner also arrived and Hux made sure Kylo ate it and somehow managed to prevent him from spilling any in the bed. Eating in bed was normally tantamount to sacrilege to Hux, but given his scare earlier, he thought he’d allow Kylo the indulgence. It was a shame he wasn’t actually present to enjoy it.

When Hux’s words started to slip and his eyes were struggling to stay open, he forced both himself and Kylo up to ready them for bed. He checked Kylo’s bandage as well, opting to change it for the night. The wound looked fine, the bacta was doing its job, but Hux couldn’t help fussing over it. The incident was still too fresh.

Once he’d pulled the blanket over them both and lowered the lights, Hux stared at Kylo’s unmoving form, his eyes still open as Hux hadn’t told him to sleep yet. He’d almost lost him – truly, fully lost him – today. The feeling caught in Hux’s chest and made it hard to breathe and he could no longer stop himself. He moved over and bodily wrapped himself around Kylo, holding him as best he could given that Kylo wasn’t exactly participating.

Hux did feel a pang of guilt over it; Kylo didn’t have a choice in this. But he knew Kylo and he wasn’t exactly subtle about how much he loved and needed affection. If Kylo were here, he might tease Hux about panicking over such a small scratch, but he’d be more than happy to be held. He’d melt in Hux’s arms, letting out a pleased noise once he was comfortable. It was so easy to imagine him doing exactly that.

So Hux let himself have this, let himself hold the warm but unresponsive body of his lover, and drifted off to sleep after telling Kylo to do the same, silently hoping the following day would bring an end to all of this as he had every night since Kylo had returned.

* * *

_Hux returned to the Finalizer after the meeting with Snoke feeling a mixture of relief and embarrassment. Relief because, despite everything, Ren had been right: Hux wasn’t dead. Embarrassment, though, because of just how far he’d let himself slip over the last few weeks. He was better than that._

_It’d been so surreal. They’d arrived at the Citadel and approached the throne. Ren had been absolutely silent, looking stricken, while Hux had come prepared to beg, pride be damned. But Snoke had left him with a chilling warning not to let it happen again and instructions to lead the Order to victory while Snoke was busy with Ren’s training. Then Hux had been sent away and he’d paused behind the door just long enough to catch his breath and hear Snoke say, menacingly, ‘you know where to go’ to Ren._

_And Ren… Hux was still haunted by that last night before they’d faced Snoke. Looking back with a clear head, Hux couldn’t explain either his own actions or Ren’s. The sex itself was perhaps an understandable lapse; two people, both frightened of the future, finding solace in each other’s bodies. But everything else? Ren’s confession, the crying, Hux holding him while he’d sobbed and not letting go even when he’d stopped. Now, without the fear and panic in his mind, Hux scowled just to think about such a tremendous lapse in judgement and decorum._

_He pushed the thoughts away and focused on what was important: rebuilding. Hux had plenty of ideas, contingencies he’d never thought would need to be used. First thing: take stock of what they had. Hux had read all of the damage reports, but had yet to draft a summary of his own. That would need to be done. Then he would set up a holoconference with High Command and they would decide the best courses of action. After that, it would all be a matter of following through. It was simple, laid out like that without the fog of imminent doom upon his mind, and Hux was bolstered by it._

_The weeks that followed were mostly a blur of productivity. As much as the situation appeared dire, Hux was sure the Order could persevere. The first week involved daily meetings with High Command. At first, they’d been less than receptive to his suggestions given his failure, but they soon realized they had to listen if the Order was going to survive. Once they’d regrouped, they could focus on resource acquisition and rebuilding. Then, they could push forward again, taking territories and building their fleets. They may not have had Starkiller anymore, but the Republic was wounded far more deeply than they were. They could still win this if they moved quickly._

_And so that is what they did. For a while, it kept Hux busy, busier than he’d ever been, but eventually things started to return to equilibrium. There were plans in place, tasks assigned and delegated, and all Hux could do was follow the plans and ensure they made it to completion. It was strange, beginning to find himself with spare time once again. Hux wasn’t quite sure what to do with himself anymore._

_He thought back to what he’d done before, but all he could remember was right after Starkiller, evenings spent with Ren and alcohol. Ren was, rather obviously, not an option, and the slight flare of disappointment at that was both unexpected and alarming. And as for drinking, well, Hux had sworn off that for a while. It disturbed him how quickly he’d nearly developed a dependence on it. That absolutely could not continue._

_The overall result was Hux was experiencing a state of being he hadn’t in too many years to count: he was bored._

_Even before the whole Starkiller incident, he’d been busy with designing the weapon. Prior to that, he’d been spending his time working to become the Order’s youngest General. And prior to that, he’d been working himself up the rest of the ranks. And as much as he still had even more ambitious goals regarding his rank and title, he knew he was in no position to make progress on it aside from what he was doing right now: proving his capability as a leader. But with the well-oiled machine that was the Order working exactly as well as it was supposed to under his leadership, it left him with fewer duties than he’d had in years._

_And, of course, there was also no Knight of Ren wreaking havoc on his ship or insisting they travel far off course for arbitrary reasons. Nevermind the evenings they spent together after Starkiller, the lack of Ren also took a significant amount of work off Hux’s plate. In fact, Ren’s absence also seemed to change the atmosphere of the entire ship to something much calmer, much less fearful and on edge._

_It took three weeks of desperate distractions (exercising, watching educational holos, playing around with new weapon ideas and starting on the blueprints for them) before Hux had to admit something he found deeply horrifying: despite it all,_ he missed Kylo Ren _. He missed the man’s insistence at arguing any single point of contention far beyond the point at which was reasonable. He missed his sharp, dry humour that so rarely showed itself. He missed having someone around that he could talk to candidly without having to worry about rank and status._

_If Hux could’ve admitted to himself, he’d even say he missed Ren’s too soft lips, missed the way their bodies fit together in the dark._

_The more the thoughts happened, the more Hux tried to push them down, yet they seemed to persevere anyway, invading his mind whenever he had a spare moment without enough to keep him occupied. So like the person that caused them in that way, refusing to allow him space in his own head. It was ironic, really; Hux finally got his wish to have Ren gone and yet the man still haunted him in a very different and more frustrating way than he ever could’ve predicted._

_With his mind preoccupied with Ren during his spare time, it took Hux longer than it should have to notice something else: Snoke had not contacted him once since he’d dropped Ren off at the Citadel._

_While it wasn’t necessarily unusual not to hear from the Order’s mysterious benefactor for long stretches of time, Snoke’s absence was particularly out of place given the current position of the Order. They had a plan for recovery, of course they did, but did Snoke truly have so much faith in Hux and High Command that he didn’t see fit to even check in? Snoke was surely busy with Ren’s training as well, but Hux still found it strange not to have heard from him even once._

_Originally, Snoke had come into the picture by offering them two things: money and access to the mysterious Force in the form of himself and, later, the Knights of Ren. The Order had since become mostly financially independent, but a lot of that was through Snoke’s connections as well, and the Knights of Ren were still heavily integrated. For Snoke to have invested so much in the Order, it didn’t make sense for him to just ignore it now, when they still had so much to gain back. If the Order fell, then all that Snoke had given them would be wasted. Why wasn’t he concerned about that possibility?_

_At first, Hux thought maybe it was just_ him _who’d been left out of the loop, that he truly had lost more favour than it had initially seemed. But after asking careful, probing questions to others in High Command, he was sure now: no one had heard even a word from Snoke since Hux had seen him in person. It had been months now and there hadn’t been a single communication from the being they all publically referred to as ‘Supreme Leader’._

_It was worrying, no matter how Hux thought about it. Perhaps it was just that Snoke truly did trust them to do what they needed to do to succeed, but that just didn’t seem wise. Had it been Hux in Snoke’s position, he would’ve insisted on at least weekly check-ins to ensure ground was still being gained. Any competent commanding officer he’d ever known would’ve done so as well, he was sure. Snoke had a lot to lose if the Order failed, years of effort and resources that he’d put into them, not to mention his own ticket to power. It didn’t add up._

_The next possibility Hux considered was that Snoke truly didn’t care about the Order as much as he pretended to and, really, should have. Perhaps to Snoke, a creature that many suspected to have lived for much longer than any known natural lifespan, that was powerful in the ways of the Force, that had power and money and opulence already, the Order was just one option worth trying. If they failed, he would simply cut his losses and move on to his next option, whatever that may be. He had so much already; perhaps even an investment that seemed so large actually wasn’t to him._

_And, of course, there was the possibility that Snoke really was just more foolish than he pretended to be. He hadn’t worked his way up through skill and intelligence, but by handing the higher ups at the time an unignorable wealth of money and resources, things which Snoke had managed to amass though it wasn’t known exactly how. It was treason to doubt this much, Hux knew, but he had never been one to ignore anomalies. He would always think them through, look at all the possibilities, likely or not, until he picked a favourite. And Snoke being far stupider than he appeared… well, it wasn’t the most likely, but it would certainly be the most convenient._

_Because Hux had always been ambitious for more, even after making General at the youngest age in First Order history. Even when he’d been just a child, he’d dreamed of a throne, a crown, power over everyone around him (and if his younger self had often fantasized about using that power to humiliate and torture and kill his father, well, at least that had been taken care of already). With this development, perhaps the possibility was closer than he’d ever dreamed, regardless of the true reason why._

_If it was because Snoke trusted them, then this was the perfect time to exploit that trust. If it was because Snoke didn’t care about them, then this was a perfect time to start planting the seeds of realization that they didn’t need him, considering they were rebuilding on their own just fine right now. And if it was because Snoke wasn’t nearly as wise as he claimed to be, well, that would make it easiest of all._

_He’d have to be careful, to start very small, small enough that it could take years to see his plans come to fruition, but perhaps Hux had finally found a use for at least some of his spare time._

_But his brain, traitor that it was, couldn’t help coming back to Ren. If Hux went through with this and actually did find the opportunity to overthrow Snoke, no matter how long it took, where would that leave Ren? Could Ren be turned, convinced to fight against Snoke himself? Could all of his Knights? Or, would that mean they’d have seven more powerful enemies to contend with?_

_Hux pressed his lips together in a hard line. Ren posed more of a problem than Snoke himself. The thought of eliminating that problem didn’t sit comfortably with Hux, remembering everything that had happened before, everything they’d shared. Ren was maddening, even when he wasn’t physically present, but Hux found any thoughts of how much he hated the man ringing hollow. It was just camaraderie, friendship. It had been built out of dire circumstances, but it was still nothing more, nothing he needed to worry about._

_Still, that was something he’d have to deal with eventually. For now, though, he knew that planning a coup that would actually succeed took time. Even if it took him years to actually get anywhere with it, there was no better time to start than now._


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just want it on record that I manually calculated the approximate mass of the Finalizer for one minor comment lmao

The incident with the spy shook the crew and Hux couldn’t blame them. It should not have been allowed to happen, plain and simple. He’d kept the bit where the spy had gained access to his quarters and nearly killed Kylo out of the official report – Phasma had agreed with him on that – but he still worried about possible rumours. Between Phasma’s squadron, who he hoped had been reconditioned afterwards, the technician who’d fixed the door, and people who were simply too good at putting together clues, there was certainly cause for worry. But time passed and nothing seemed to come of it other than the tightened security procedures for all crew coming onboard after disembarking.

Phasma didn’t seem affected by what she’d seen, either, but Hux knew to keep an eye on her all the same. Hux liked Phasma, found her to be efficient and effective, but he also knew that she had a sixth sense for weakness and opportunity even more attuned than his own. They may have had an excellent working relationship, one that could even be called acquaintanceship, but he knew better than anyone that if she thought something could be gained by exploiting the situation, she would do it in a heartbeat. Still, so far it seemed her words that day had been a warning, not a threat, so Hux wasn’t worried. Not yet, at least.

The one thing that did change was the bed situation with Kylo. As much as the guilt still plagued him, Hux allowed himself to cuddle up to Kylo at night, to hold him and feel the heat of life against him, even if every other part of Kylo was more indicative of a corpse. Not quite, Hux reminded himself, but the resemblance was enough that it was far too unpleasant to think about. The closeness did help, even if only a little, and thus Hux couldn’t bring himself to stop.

The realization that Kylo would prefer death to this, though, continued to haunt him, enough so that he found himself needing a distraction. As much as he really did hate to leave Kylo alone, even like this, he needed to do something else to take his mind off it. He left Kylo in bed this time, the incident from a few cycles ago still too fresh, watching some more holos. He’d run out of the educational variety, but had chosen some with plots he thought Kylo would like and were involved enough to still stimulate the mind.

He made his way to the bridge, figuring that even overseeing the day to day operations that didn’t truly need his input would at least give him something to help keep his mind busy. Currently, they were travelling to a base they had on a planet already claimed by the Order, but they had to go the long way as there were reports of heavy pirate activity through the usual path. As much as Hux would’ve liked to just blast their way through, their intel suggested a single ship would likely fall and he wasn’t willing to take that chance.

The bridge crew seemed surprised to see him, but thankfully they were all intelligent enough to avoid commenting. It wasn’t as if he’d been ignoring his duties; he’d just been doing them from a different location. Hux missed being on the bridge, though, if he was honest. It was a powerful feeling, being at the helm of roughly 72 million tonnes of weaponized durasteel, knowing he had control of it all. He didn’t think the awe of it would ever wear off.

The first shift passed miraculously quickly, enough minor problems appearing to keep Hux’s mind occupied. It felt like the first time since he’d discovered the full extent of Kylo’s condition that he’d actually been able to focus fully on something else. He knew he had to return, though, that Kylo needed him, so it was with only the smallest hint of reluctance that he returned to his quarters for a late lunch, ordering their food ahead of time. Hux usually skipped lunch, when left to his own devices, but he had to make sure Kylo ate, so it was just simpler to feed himself at the same time.

Kylo was still exactly where he’d left him and Hux swore the durasteel his heart was made of cracked a little more every time he had to leave and return only to find no change. Some part of him still seemed to hope everything had changed during his absence, that it was finally over. He’d been disappointed every time.

After lunch, Hux tried to work at his desk but found his brain still preoccupied. He should’ve been used to this after so long of dealing with it, yet his newest realization regarding Kylo’s wishes wouldn’t leave him alone. Refusing to allow it, Hux paced for a time before finally giving up and, with a pang of regret, left his quarters again after ensuring Kylo was situated and he had all he needed.

This time, Hux went to the recreation facilities, booking one of the smaller training rooms for himself. He needed this, he thought, something to work out all of his pent up frustration. He started with his usual routine, which was mostly stretching and cardio, but he quickly realized even that wasn’t enough. Hux then grabbed his hand wraps and switched to a punching bag. It wasn’t his usual method of stress relief, but desperate times called for desperate measures.

Kylo would find it amusing, surely, to see Hux reduced to this, pummeling an inanimate object in order to deal with his own head. That thought only made Hux hit harder, the bag swinging away from the force of it. The weight was satisfying, almost what felt like to hit a person. Hux idly wondered if hitting a creature like Snoke would feel the same.

It wasn’t long before Hux was dripping sweat, his hands aching pleasantly, but he kept going, small grunts of effort escaping his throat with every blow. Feeling himself waning, Hux just pushed harder, landing a flurry of blows that rocked the bag and the frame it was attached to and he just couldn’t find it in himself to stop. All of the frustration, all of the anger and helplessness and heartbreak he’d felt since Kylo had collapsed in the hangar went into the punches until he gave the last that he could, a yell tearing from his throat as he did so.

When he was done, arms numb and hardly able to move, Hux all but crumpled against the frame of the punching bag, resting and catching his breath. He felt better, at least a little bit. Perhaps there was something to this after all. It wasn’t easy to force himself back upright and make his way to the showers, but with his body tired and hurting gratifyingly, his mind was at least blank.

Finding Kylo still the same when he returned to his quarters still stung, but it was muted compared to before. There was simply not enough energy left in Hux’s body for any sort of stronger reaction. He quickly changed out of his uniform, silently wishing he was the type of person who could walk the hallways after a workout still in his sweaty exercise gear, and then nearly groaned aloud when he remembered all the things he still had to do to prepare them both for bed. He really should not have pushed it so hard.

He ordered dinner for them both, which was eaten without ceremony as Hux finished off his reports for the night. Kylo had had a sonic the previous night so he could skip that, but there was still basic bodily maintenance that had to be done. Hux ushered him into the bathroom, thankful that he at least had gotten it all down to a science by now.

First, Kylo’s teeth. Hux got the toothbrush ready and then instructed Kylo to open his mouth. He took Kylo’s chin in one hand while he held the toothbrush in the other, carefully scrubbing over Kylo’s teeth, ensuring he didn’t miss a spot and that he didn’t accidentally shove the toothbrush down Kylo’s throat (something which he’d only done once early on, thankfully; it turned out Kylo had a stronger gag reflex while catatonic than he had otherwise). This had been one of the hardest things to figure out at first – really, the thought of having to brush someone else’s teeth had never once even occurred to him before – but, like everything else, he’d managed it. Once content with the quality of his work, he gently maneuvered Kylo to lean over the sink and spit, wiping the frothy drool off his chin afterwards.

Hux took care of his own teeth next, thankful his hair was already free of its chemical confines after his workout. He then led Kylo back to the bedroom and dutifully changed Kylo into a new set of sleep clothes. That part didn’t bother him as much as it had at first anymore; it had become simply another mechanical necessity. It was only after Hux got Kylo sitting on the edge of the bed that he realized he’d forgotten the hairbrush in the bathroom.

Once he had the hairbrush in hand, he positioned himself behind Kylo and started brushing it through his hair, as he did every night. At first, Hux hadn’t been as diligent as he should have been and the knots had quickly gotten out of control. Even though Kylo wasn’t moving much, apparently at least daily brushing was required else his hair would mat up quite easily. It was also something Hux suspected Kylo would enjoy, given how much he loved having his hair played with and pulled on, so Hux thought of it as doubly useful.

Even despite the aching in his arms, Hux enjoyed it as well. It was simple, just running the brush through the silky strands, sometimes having to gently work out a knot. Hux had always found monotonous tasks a little bit soothing and this was no exception. Perhaps if – _when_ , he mentally corrected himself – Kylo awoke, he might try to brush his hair then, too. He didn’t think Kylo would mind.

By the time Kylo’s hair was finished, Hux was forced to stifle a yawn. His mind remained quiet, though, so it was easy enough to get Kylo into bed, spoon up behind him, and drift off to sleep. It wasn’t permanent relief, he knew that, but Hux was ready to take anything he could get.

* * *

_It was after Hux’s shift and he was working on tweaking some blueprints for a new kind of cannon. They should’ve allowed for more firepower while drawing 21% less energy than the current weaponry they had. It was mostly a way to pass the time, to continue keeping his mind off Ren, but it was actually a good idea as well. If he found no problems with the design, he would submit it for use on future ships, he’d decided. Not all of his weapon designs panned out, for one reason or another, but he’d yet to encounter any reason why this one wouldn’t and it was clearly an improvement over their current technology._

_The ping of a message interrupted his thoughts and Hux pulled it up. It was a docking request from Kylo Ren’s shuttle. Hux’s eyes widened and something bloomed in his chest, causing him to frown, and it took a moment before Hux thought to accept it. He then sat the datapad down, his schematics forgotten._

_Ren was back. Logically, he’d known this day would come. He’d been pushing down thoughts of Ren for months and now he was going to have to face the man. He… some part of him wanted to see Ren, to see if that fragile camaraderie (and he would not think of how it had culminated, would not allow himself to determine if he wanted a repeat performance) could still be accessed. But part of him wanted to do nothing more than avoid Ren at all costs. After spending months with Ren haunting his thoughts, the idea of facing him was a lot to take._

_He thought about going to meet Ren in the hangar. He thought about hiding in his quarters. He thought about meeting Ren at_ his _quarters. He thought about going to bed early and pretending he was asleep. Would Ren want to pretend nothing had ever happened? Not just the sex, but all of it? Would_ Ren _want a repeat performance of that last night? Hux had no idea if the Ren he’d talked with night after night, the Ren who’d cried out under him, the Ren who’d sobbed in his arms was even the same Ren that would be returning, either. He still had no idea what ‘finishing his training’ even meant, what Snoke might have done to him to make him ‘complete’._

_Hux settled on typing a message to Ren inviting him for another chat when he was feeling up to it, if he so chose, but he was interrupted by an unexpected summons from Snoke for fifteen minutes from now. Ren would be landing in ten, so clearly it was expected that they both attend._

About time, _Hux thought, wondering if Snoke would even mention his absence over the last few months, or if he’d just assume all was well and focus on Ren. At least it saved him from sending the message and potentially making a fool out of himself. He would see Ren there, see how he was, and gauge his actions from there. It was always better to make decisions with the most information possible._

_Donning his greatcoat and double-checking his uniform to ensure it remained unwrinkled, Hux made his way to the meeting room Snoke always requested. It wasn’t as impressive as the one on Starkiller base had been, but it was still large enough for Snoke’s hologram to unnecessarily tower over them._

_On the walk over, Hux’s mind drifted to the thoughts he’d has about Snoke during his absence. They were dangerous and a hint of nervousness struck him as he wondered if Snoke knew. There was no way he could, though. Snoke was powerful, but Hux had never heard of even him being able to read minds over great distances. It was just his paranoia kicking in._

_Still, he would have to be careful. Ren was back on board, after all, and he’d been so caught up in more distracting thoughts about the man that Hux hadn’t even thought of how he’d have to make sure this was concealed. Ren, to his knowledge, did not make a habit of actively reading his mind, but he did pick up on stray thoughts. If that stray thought happened to be treason, even in its infancy, it would be a very obvious problem. Perhaps one day, if he thought he could turn Ren, he could tell him. But now? There was no chance._

_He was almost to the holochamber so Hux carefully cleared his mind of all that and focused instead on all the figures he had in mind to tell Snoke regarding the Order’s rebuilding efforts. It was going well, enough so that he could say with confidence that he expected them to be back to pre-Starkiller levels within the coming weeks. Snoke would surely be pleased with their progress._

_Hux arrived early, as he usually did, and waited outside a few minutes longer so as not to seem overly eager. He was, truly, for more than one reason, but neither Ren nor Snoke needed to know that. He wanted to see Ren, for reasons he couldn’t bring himself to examine too closely, but he also did want to speak to Snoke, to get at least some recognition for his efforts._

_The sound of familiar, heavy footsteps pulled Hux from his thoughts, turning to see Ren stop in front of him. Hux resisted the urge to suck in a breath. Ren looked roughly the same, still had those dark eyes and the long scar and soft, tempting lips. His hair looked a little flatter, but that could’ve just been due to lack of proper showering facilities. He looked absolutely exhausted, though, the circles under his eyes even darker than they’d been before. It looked as though he’d neglected to shave that morning as well, the barest hint of stubble on his chin._

_Ren’s eyes widened slightly at the sight of him and Hux nodded his head. “Welcome back, Ren.”_

_“Hux,” he said, and the familiarity burned in a strange way._

_Ren looked as though he was going to say more, but they both knew it was now time to go in, so he closed his mouth and opened the doors to the chamber. Hux followed behind, noticing that Ren appeared to be trying to disguise a limp. When they reached their designated spots in the room, Hux turned to him, intending to ask how his training had gone but then the room beeped, signaling that the call was connecting, and he turned back just in time to see Snoke’s hologram appear._

_“General Hux,” Snoke began, and Hux straightened the small amount that he could. “My apprentice has returned to you. You are to continue your previous arrangement as co-commanders of the Finalizer.”_

_Hux nodded, having already assumed that. Why else would Ren be back, after all? Snoke paused and then started asking questions about the rebuilding of the Order, a topic Hux was more than happy to discuss. It was hard to place Snoke’s facial expressions, given that he most likely was not human and that his face was as gnarled and scarred as it was, but he thought Snoke seemed pleased._

_“Very good, General,” Snoke said after Hux had finished, confirming Hux’s hopes. “Continue to lead the Order to victory.”_

_Hux nodded, figuring that was it for him, but then Snoke continued, “As for my apprentice, Kylo Ren has shown that he requires more time for his training to be truly completed. He has his own instructions which should not impede your plans. I will inform you both when I wish for him to return to me.”_

_With that, Snoke’s hologram winked out. Hux blinked in surprise; was that really all he had to say? After so many months? He looked to Ren, who was staring at the floor, looking thoroughly shamed. Hux couldn’t blame him; Snoke had invited him to this meeting, yet hadn’t addressed him once, even while speaking about him to Hux. Hux had been on the receiving end of that sort of tactic before and he knew it stung._

_Months ago, he would’ve been smugly pleased with himself, likely finding a way to rub it in Ren’s face. Now, though, he couldn’t help a smidgen of pity. Based on how tired he looked and that limp, it appeared Ren had suffered enough._

_Hux inhaled deeply, ignoring the voice in his head that told him he was making poor choices again. “Ren.”_

_Ren looked up at him, a hint of wariness showing through the exhaustion._

_“If you are not otherwise indisposed, I thought perhaps you’d like to join me in my quarters again. I’m sure there is much we could speak about.” Hux mentally kicked himself as soon as the words were out; why had he thought this was a good idea?_

_Ren blinked at him, brows furrowed slightly, so Hux quickly backpedaled. “Though if you would prefer to rest, it can certainly wait.”_

_“That would be amenable to me,” Ren said, his voice quieter than Hux remembered._

_Hux nodded and turned to go, gesturing for Ren to follow, as if this was a normal thing, as if they’d ever done this. Sure, they had spent evenings together, but Ren had always initiated, and Hux still assumed it was mostly for lack of anything else to do. That, and a way to escape his own brain at the time, something which Hux understood all too well. Still, he couldn’t help an anxious fluttering in his stomach, even though there was truly nothing to be anxious about._

_The walk back to his quarters was silent and Hux entered the room, turning to find Ren hesitating for a moment. He came in, though, so Hux went to his usual seat at the desk as Ren pulled up the chair he’d always sat in before. The silence was awkward then, Hux trying to come up with a topic for them to discuss. This had been his idea, after all. Yet nothing came and Hux began to wonder if perhaps the social lubricant of alcohol had been the only reason they’d managed to talk at all before._

_“How was your training?” he asked, for lack of anything better._

_Ren’s eyes flashed and Hux immediately regretted it. “You didn’t hear enough from the Supreme Leader?”_

_Hux pressed his lips together; that hadn’t actually been a dig, and yet of course it likely sounded as such. “I was asking you, not him. To be quite honest, I have no idea what your training even entails.”_

_Ren let out a breath, seemingly just as uncomfortable as Hux was, though temporarily soothed. “A lot of meditation. Some sparring with my knights. Practicing Force techniques as well. My training is for both the body and the mind.”_

_“I suppose that makes sense, given that you use both regularly.” Alright, so maybe this wasn’t as hard as Hux had initially thought._

_Ren just hummed in response, so Hux followed up by informing him of the goings on of the Order. He’d already heard the basics when Hux had relayed them to Snoke, but there were details he’d left out. And unlike Snoke, Ren was actually involved in the daily operations of the ship. Ren interjected a few times, but mostly seemed far more subdued than before. Perhaps it was just the exhaustion._

_Once Hux was done, there was a brief silence before Ren broke it. “Hux, why am I here?”_

_Hux blinked. “You can leave if you want to, Ren. I already told you that.”_

_“That’s not what I meant. Why did you invite me here? What are you trying to accomplish?”_

_That was not what he’d expected Ren to say and it took Hux a moment to actually come up with an answer. “I suppose I wanted to finally be able to talk with someone who wasn’t a subordinate for once. I rather… enjoyed our talks, before.”_

_The words were true, yet each one was like extracting a tooth._

_A hint of amusement played on Ren’s face. “And here I thought you just wanted to take me to bed again.”_

_Hux counted himself fortunate he hadn’t been drinking something for he surely would’ve spit it out at that. He should’ve known Ren would be so direct about such a thing. It took him a long moment to collect himself so that he could speak without sputtering._

_“That wasn’t my intention,” Hux said carefully, and then it hit him. “Did you_ want _me to?”_

_The flush Hux had remembered so well from before showed itself again and he was struck by the reminder of how much he enjoyed seeing it on Ren’s face. It was the contrast that did it; embarrassment at odds with everything it meant to be Kylo Ren. The blushing mixed with the expression on Ren’s face also had the added benefit of giving away Ren’s answer when his mouth seemed unwilling to._

_“If that’s what you want,” and Hux had to pause, torn between sending Ren away, the far smarter choice, and taking him to bed again, something which he was forced to realize did in fact appeal to him, “I wouldn’t say no.”_

_And kriff, this time he didn’t even have alcohol as an excuse. What was it about Ren that always seemed to put him in these situations? Was the tendency to make reckless, foolish choices contagious? Memories of that night, the one that had fully set them on this course, flashed through Hux’s mind. Foolish a choice it may be, saying he wasn’t interested would be a lie._

_Ren blinked at him, surprised, and Hux rose, leaning over the desk to kiss Ren. Ren met him half way and melted into it, the kiss tentative but familiar. One of Hux’s hands came up to wind through Ren’s hair, pulling it to deepen the kiss and causing Ren to shudder against him. Fuck, his reactions were still just as delicious as before and they’d barely even started. Ren rose, still not breaking the kiss, and Hux took the hint that they should move this elsewhere._

_The first time had been nearly frantic, fear and desperation and lust combined into a potent mixture. This time, it was more tentative, the both of them stealing touches on the short walk to Hux’s bedroom. Their lips had parted by necessity until they’d made it to their destination and then even the act of undressing each other was less hurried, hands exploring newly exposed skin with something akin to tenderness,. They only broke apart when Hux walked Ren back onto the bed, gently pushing him down._

_He took in Ren, spread out on his bed almost exactly like the first time, and couldn’t help frowning. Ren’s body was littered with injuries. Deep, purple bruises covered his torso and legs, standing out against Ren’s space-bleached skin. There were a number of lacerations and small burns as well, though most of them looked minor enough in comparison. Hells, he could’ve been bleeding internally._

_Ren was frowning now, too, his body tensing up and curling in on itself a bit. “What’s wrong?”_

_“Ren, you’re-” Hux sighed. “Have you even been to medical?”_

_“It’s fine, Hux,” Ren insisted, his expression dangerously close to a pout. “My knights checked me over before I left.”_

_It most definitely did not look ‘fine’, but he supposed he couldn’t kick Ren out after they’d gotten this far. Fucking Ren wouldn’t be an option, though, not with his body in such a condition. Maybe he could… No, even riding him seemed too risky. Ren may have insisted he was fine, but Hux was not going to be responsible for potentially killing him through reckless sex._

_“Fine. I’m not fucking you like this, though. Nor are you fucking me. I’m not risking re-opening any of those,” Hux said and Ren looked annoyed, but he didn’t interrupt to argue. “We’ll just have to do this the old fashioned way.”_

_Ren still looked irritated, but he didn’t protest when Hux crawled over him, claiming his lips again. He’d spent more nights than he wanted to admit thinking of those damned lips, often waking up sticky and ashamed afterwards. Perhaps tonight he’d find out what they were truly capable of. He wanted to take care of Ren first, though. Ren’s hands were on his biceps, holding him steady, but Hux moved out of his grip, kissing down Ren’s throat._

_Ren tipped his head back, exposing more of that tender skin, and Hux couldn’t resist biting into the pale flesh, letting go just enough to suck a dark mark into it, relishing in the breathy noise Ren let out. With so many marks and bruises on his skin, at least one of them should be a good memory, Hux thought. Before he could get too sentimental, though, he continued his path down, nibbling over Ren’s collarbone before moving down to a nipple, sucking and biting at the sensitive peak. Ren moaned fully this time and Hux kissed his way over to repeat the treatment to the other one._

_Hux continued his path, using his lips and tongue and teeth to ensure Ren didn’t go a moment without stimulus, his hands dragging down Ren’s sides as he went. When Hux reached his cock, hard against his belly, he gave a long lick from root to tip, earning a startled gasp from Ren. He was so responsive, so pliant like this. It was just as intoxicating as the first time._

_Ren’s moan when Hux took Ren’s cock into his mouth was enough to make Hux’s own cock throb. Hux looked up the long line of Ren’s body, savouring the tensing of his muscles, his hands gripping the sheets, his eyes watching raptly as Hux worked him over. He looked thinner, Hux thought, his frame smaller than the last time, but he supposed that would make sense with his training, so Hux ignored it and focused on turning Ren into a trembling mess instead._

_It wasn’t difficult; Hux kept working his mouth on Ren’s cock while his hand moved over the bottom of his shaft, then down to his balls, then to prod at the space just behind. Ren’s moans and cries were delicious, spurring him on, and it was only when Ren’s hips started stuttering up that Hux pulled away, quickly switching to stroking Ren off with one hand while the other continued to tease._

_Ren’s eyes were screwed shut, his hips moving in abortive little ruts, spit-slick lips parted in bliss and Hux was struck by how much the sight still affected him. Kylo Ren, features slack with pleasure, squirming and moaning for more of whatever Hux would give him._

_“That’s it, so good for me,” Hux found himself saying, his voice breathy. “You’re close, aren’t you?”_

_Ren answered with a wordless whine and his cock twitched in Hux’s hand, spurting out a bit of precome._

_“Come on, Ren.” Hux worked his hand harder, twisting on the upstroke around the head, wanting to watch Ren fall over the edge as much as Ren himself wanted to get there. “Come for me.”_

_Ren did, a loud moan escaping his lips and his back arching as his come spurted out over his stomach and Hux’s hand. Hux worked him through it, resisting the urge to start grinding against the sheets as Ren started to whimper from too much stimulation. Hux finally pulled away, climbing up onto his knees and taking his cock in hand, focused on coming over Ren’s heaving chest._

_Large hands grabbing Hux’s hips interrupted him, Ren sitting up so he was propped against the headboard as he pulled Hux closer. Hux quickly got the idea and followed Ren’s lead, sighing in pleasure when he was close enough and Ren did something ungodly with his tongue. He pushed a little closer, eager for the wet warmth of Ren’s mouth only to nearly double over when Ren grabbed him by the ass and forcibly pushed Hux’s hips forward, shoving Hux’s entire cock down his throat. A loud, startled moan escaped Hux’s lips despite himself._

_Ren kept moving Hux’s hips to his whims and Hux got the idea, starting to really fuck his face. It was a little sloppy, Ren’s enthusiasm and the position making it so, but kriff, it was effective. The man didn’t seem to even have a gag reflex. It wasn’t long before Hux was coming with a loud groan, buried to the hilt in Ren’s throat, hands gripping at Ren’s hair to hold himself in place as Ren’s hands squeezed his ass._

_Hux managed to pull off before Ren started choking and forced himself to grab a cloth to wipe his hand on, which he then threw at Ren to clean himself up with as Hux collapsed on the bed. As much as Ren covered in his own come with saliva running down his chin was a nice visual, he didn’t particularly want to sleep next to such a mess. Hux scowled when Ren tossed the cloth onto the floor somewhere, but it wasn’t worth an actual reprimand with how sated and calm he currently felt._

_They laid in silence for a while and Hux was just about to get up to grab himself a datapad – it wasn’t that late, after all – when he realized Ren was staring at him, an odd look in his eyes. Hux stared back, slightly annoyed, but refusing to be the one to break the stalemate._

_“I figured out how to show you,” Ren said suddenly, looking down a bit and breaking the eye contact._

_“Show me what?”_

_“The Force,” he said, and Hux suddenly remembered one of the conversations they’d had after Starkiller, how Ren had wished he could show him what it was like, how Hux had wished the same for reasons he still could not fully comprehend._

_“How?” Hux asked, sitting up a bit; now he was interested._

_“I would need you to open your mind.” Ren stopped himself when he saw Hux’s expression. “Not how you’re thinking. I wouldn’t be taking anything from it. I’d be giving you something from mine.”_

_Hux’s lips did not untwist. Ren’s ability to read his mind was something he had never been comfortable with, even if Ren had never used the full extent of it on him. Even if he hadn’t had anything to hide, he still would not have been okay with it. Hux’s mind was_ his _, no one else’s. To violate that would be an invasion on the highest level._

_“Please, Hux,” Ren said, his eyes pleading. “Let me show you. I’m strong enough to do it now.”_

_There was something in Ren’s voice, in his eagerness to do this that made Hux’s resolve waver. He believed Ren when he said he didn’t intend on taking anything, but that didn’t make the idea any easier to stomach. Hux wasn’t sure he even_ could _let Ren in, could open himself up like that._

_“I don’t know that I can,” Hux admitted. “I don’t like the thought of having anyone in my head.”_

_“I won’t be coming in. Think of it like… opening the door to receive a package.”_

_That wasn’t particularly helpful. Hux took a deep, calming breath._

_“Fine. I will try. But I swear, if you go snooping, I will cut your cock off.” It wasn’t the most effective threat, Hux knew, but it had the advantage of being convenient considering they were both still nude._

_Ren huffed out a laugh, shaking his head a bit in disbelief. “We have a deal, General.”_

_Ren reached out then, the fingers of one hand making contact with Hux’s temple. Ren closed his eyes, then, and Hux instinctively followed his lead. He reasoned that this might be easier to bear if he didn’t have to look at Ren while he did it. Then there was something against his mind, a gentle, questioning prod._

_“Can you feel me?” Ren asked and Hux nodded. “Good. Now just relax and open the door. Visualize it, if you need to.”_

_Hux tried. Relaxation was not exactly a strong suit of his, but he did try. When nothing happened for a few minutes, he took Ren’s suggestion of visualization, silly as it seemed. He built a door in his mind, imagined that the little prod was a knock. In his mind’s eye, he could see himself going to the door and opening it. He envisioned Ren on the other side, holding a small package, plain and brown as shipments usually were. There was a moment where Hux’s brain tried to put Ren in a delivery service uniform which nearly jolted him out of the exercise, but he managed to push it down, instead seeing Ren in his usual robes._

_“Good,” Ren said, and the prod became more insistent, more invasive as the Ren in Hux’s mind reached out with the hand holding the box. “Now accept it and I’ll do the rest.”_

_Something in Hux still wanted to resist, but he shoved that down too, taking the box from Ren’s hands. As soon as Ren’s hand dropped away, however, the visualization was gone and instead Hux was back on the Finalizer. Except everything was…_ different _. He could feel things around him in a way he never had before. He could feel Ren, beside him, could perceive what Hux could only describe as energy running through and emitting from him._

_Hux gasped as he became aware of even more, further out. The thrum of life on the Finalizer, the tens of thousands of crew members living and working and simply existing within her. He could feel every one of them, perceive them with another sense entirely. A snippet of thought or sentiment would brush against him, but then it would be gone before he could parse it out._

_“It takes practice,” Ren said, voice low. “Even though this is part of me, you won’t be able to feel it exactly like I can.”_

_Hux kept pushing outwards, beyond the ship to the stars themselves, and he couldn’t have described what it felt like if he wanted to. It was like suddenly being able to feel the threads that held the universe together, to perceive all the hidden workings of quantum mechanics beneath the hull of existence. It was like gaining a new sense or seeing a new colour. He was certain even the most beautiful words in all the languages of the galaxy couldn’t do it justice. Hux never wanted it to end._

_Ren let him float in it for a while longer, rushing from one aspect to another. He found he could focus in or out, could look at either a macro or a micro level. He could push out and see the universe as a whole, how it was tied together, or focus in on any individual, sensing the energy of their life. Both were equally fascinating and perhaps for the first time he was struck with a powerful burst of jealousy over the fact that he would never be able to do this on his own. Still, to have experienced it at all was something very few could say they had done. Hux suddenly had a new appreciation for Ren’s abilities._

_“I’m going to pull back now,” Ren told him, sounding a bit strained. “I wish I could go longer, but it’s not easy to maintain.”_

_Hux understood, but it was still with some sadness that he felt Ren retreat, this new sense fleeing with him. His own mind felt so much duller without it, like the colour draining from the world. And, Hux realized, that was only the very surface of what the Force could do. Sensing was one thing, but controlling it? Fighting with it? All of that was something else entirely, something Hux wished he could experience as well._

_“Stars, that was amazing,” Hux said, still too stunned to be anything but brutally honest._

_Ren’s smile was radiant and Hux realized he’d never once seen Ren look like that. But Hux felt similarly exhilarated, his brain desperately trying to process something it couldn’t explain logically. Yet he’d experienced it mostly first hand. If there was anything he was still in denial of regarding the Force before, it was gone now._

_“Thank you,” Hux said, and he meant it, before leaning over and giving Ren a long, insistent kiss to truly show his gratitude._

_With so much to process, Hux decided that figuring out what this meant, what any of it meant, could wait until tomorrow._


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so quick warning: there is a very brief moment of accidental not-quite-actually somnophilia. I’m probably being overly cautious, but there’s a detailed warning in the end notes just in case. It is very clearly an accident and a negative event for all involved

Hux woke slowly, still half in a dream that was quickly slipping away from him. He rolled a bit, keeping his eyes shut and trying not to lose it. He realized he couldn’t hear his alarm which meant he could sleep a little longer, but the thought was distant, foggy, his brain still not online yet. He shifted, his legs sliding over each other in a way that seemed so strangely wonderful, the blackness of sleep pulling at him with open, welcoming arms. Hux gladly followed.

The world swam away in the void behind his eyelids once again, consciousness flickering in and out. No part of Hux wanted to leave this moment, but he shifted and a growing heat between his legs began to draw his attention away from the formless colours made by his subconscious. He shifted again, further, and found himself pressed up against something warm and solid, his hips grinding up against it without even thinking about it. He let himself rut up against it once, then forced himself to open his eyes.

There was a split second where he expected to find Kylo looking at him knowingly, a sleepy smirk on those lovely lips, but the haze drained away immediately upon Hux waking fully and remembering the situation. Kylo was there, true, but his eyes were still closed, body unresponsive.

Hux bolted out of bed, running to the refresher, the sick feeling in his stomach making him wonder if he was going to vomit. Part of him wanted to, the pain of bile burning his throat at least the start of a deserved punishment. There may have been more blood on his hands than could ever be adequately quantified, but he wasn’t a kriffing _monster_. There were lines he would not cross, select few though there were, and forcing himself upon someone who did not or could not consent was unquestionably too far.

He washed his face with ice cold water from the sink, staring at himself in the mirror with open disgust and horror. Holding Kylo at night when he was like this had been one thing, but doing… _that_? It was completely repulsive of him, even while half-asleep and unaware. There was no excuse.

Reluctantly pulling away from his own scathing glare, Hux returned to the bedroom to see Kylo’s eyes were open, though still empty, likely awoken by Hux’s frantic leap out of bed. A fresh wave of guilt swept through him seeing Kylo just lying there, unaware and more innocent than a man like him had any right to be.

It took a long moment to work himself up to it, but Hux got Kylo out of bed to deal with all of the morning tasks that were necessary. Hux’s skin crawled with every touch to Kylo, perfunctory and essential as they were. His self-disgust was too strong to ignore and he couldn’t recall the last time he’d been so relieved to take his hands off Kylo once he had him settled in for the day with the datapad. It’d most likely been when he’d transferred Kylo to the stretcher as Starkiller fell apart around them.

Hux settled in to work, trying to focus on the tasks ahead of him as opposed to his burning self-hatred, but it wasn’t easy. Shutting his brain off was not something Hux was terribly good at in the first place. He had to reread some of the requisition requests more than once in order for them to truly sink in.

He managed to finish the requests, though it took him nearly twice as long as usual. He then reviewed the list of planets he was planning to target next, selecting one and ordering the Finalizer to travel to it. Every tap on the datapad was listless and weak and Hux silently cursed himself the entire time.

It didn’t take long for his focus to erode completely. If there was anything that solidified how selfish he was being by trying to keep Kylo like this, it was this morning. Hux’s stomach rolled again in disgust at just the thought of it, but he didn’t try to fight it. It was an appropriate response.

But that brought him back to what exactly he could _do_ to improve the situation. Clearly Hux was not the appropriate caretaker he thought he was, not that there was anyone better he could think of that was onboard. A team of nurses on a First Order-controlled planet would obviously be best, but that still had the issue of abandoning Kylo, both in Hux’s and Kylo’s, should he awaken, mind.

So what was the correct answer? Hux didn’t know. There was that other option, the one he’d been trying hard not to think about. There was no question that it was what Kylo would want if there was truly no hope, but it was impossible to tell whether that was the case or not. But was Hux just in denial about there being any at all? Was this just his selfishness striking again, as it had when he’d thought cuddling up to Kylo at night, something he’d already vowed to never do again, couldn’t do any harm?

Hux tried to imagine it, tried to imagine actually killing Kylo. It’d be so easy like this. He could shoot him to make certain it was instantaneous, as painless as he could possibly make it. Kylo was literally incapable of even flinching out of reflex. When the spy had shot him, even the Force had not come to Kylo’s aid. It would be simple, clean.

Hux’s stomach rolled again and his eyes stung at the thought. Even the visual in his mind was too much. There was no way he could actually go through with it. Just imagining putting a blaster to Kylo’s temple… Hux’s grip tightened on the datapad, resisting the urge to throw it against the wall.

Perhaps it was just that he was a selfish prick, but so be it. There were many things he would do for what mattered to him, for the sake of the Order, for the sake of restoring peace to the galaxy as a whole, but he couldn’t murder his lover in cold blood even if it was what Kylo would wish for. If it ever came down to Kylo or the Order… well, Hux just prayed to deities he didn’t believe in that such a situation would never arise.

Wanting to turn himself away from that line of thinking, Hux wondered for perhaps the thousandth time as to Snoke’s motivations for doing this in the first place. There was still a possibility that something else had happened to cause this, but it seemed highly unlikely. Kylo was supposed to be Snoke’s treasured apprentice, the one he was going to mould into a perfect weapon. Snoke may not have been exactly nurturing, from what Hux had seen, but he thought there was at least some interest in Kylo’s wellbeing. There would have to be, he thought.

So why do this? Why do something that could’ve very easily destroyed him? Had Hux not taken care of him, Kylo wouldn’t have been capable of even eating on his own. He could’ve very easily died. Unless Snoke was _trying_ to dispose of him, but then why leave it up to chance? Why leave even the slightest possibility of Kylo surviving and seeking revenge? It didn’t make sense.

Whatever the reasoning was, though, Hux already knew what it meant for him. He was going to destroy Snoke. Even if Kylo did wake, this was not something he could risk happening again and, no matter what the motivation was, he was sure it wasn’t a good one. And if Kylo never woke… then Hux would have vengeance for the both of them.

It was ironic, really, and Hux nearly let out a bitter laugh. He’d been thinking of unseating Snoke since shortly after Kylo had left post-Starkiller but had been forced to put those plans on hold. But now it wasn’t even for his own ambition anymore. It was fucking _personal_. Snoke would fall not because Hux thought he would do better in that seat – though now he was absolutely certain of it – but because Snoke had harmed someone else, someone Hux happened to care for.

Snoke would regret it, Hux decided then and there. It didn’t matter what had happened, or why it happened, or even if Kylo woke or not; if this was Snoke’s doing, as Hux suspected it was, he would pay for this. There were no doubts in Hux’s mind about it.

The only question now was whether he’d be forced to do it on his own, or if he’d be fortunate enough to have Kylo – conscious, alive, _healthy_ – ruling by his side.

* * *

_With Ren’s return, Hux started hearing from Snoke more often. He should’ve expected it, he supposed, but it was an unwelcome development regardless. There was still a disconnect, a distance in Snoke’s attention, but Hux could tell that his plans would still have to go on hold. It was annoying, but Hux was patient. He’d already laid some of the groundwork and he would watch and wait until the time was right to make his move._

_That was all for the best, though, anyways. Because it only took a few weeks of Ren being back on board to realize something that chilled him to the core: despite it all, Hux had come to_ care _for Ren. He’d thought himself incapable of such a thing and yet, here they were, Ren having somehow wormed himself into the shriveled remains of Hux’s heart._

_He wouldn’t call it love – the thought of such was absurd – but it was_ something _all the same._

_They continued spending time together and, more often than not, they’d fall into bed together as well. And once Ren was fully healed, Hux discovered a number of delightful things about Ren that even his wet dreams hadn’t dared to imagine before. For example, Ren had a taste for pain and he loved being tied into all sorts of uncomfortable positions. Hux had lost count of all the different acts they’d performed on each other and he had no intention of stopping anytime soon._

_Ren was, as Hux was learning, also alarmingly sentimental. It wasn’t obvious at first – he didn’t wax poetic about love and devotion and all of that – but he became rather attached rather quickly. He was clingy, needy even, always seeking out all of Hux’s time and touch. He liked lounging with his head in Hux’s lap, having his hair petted, even while they bickered and they never seemed to fall asleep together without one of them wrapped around the other. Months ago, Hux’s lip would’ve curled at the very thought of all this and yet some part of him had apparently thawed enough to actually enjoy it._

_He blamed Ren, of course. For all of it. His affections had moved too quickly from annoying to endearing and Hux had been helpless against it, his own emotions betraying him by becoming so soft. But Hux didn’t have it in himself to fight it. Everything he’d first enjoyed about talking with Ren, sleeping with him, all of it was magnified even more now that there was another element to it. It turned out there was something to sharing most of his downtime with another person._

_Ren had even asked for Hux to start calling him Kylo. It’d been late and they’d both been exhausted by their earlier activities. Hux had said ‘goodnight, Ren’, mostly for the novelty of it, and Ren had answered with a long silence followed by ‘can you – would you call me Kylo?’_

_Hux had looked at him, taken in the emotion in those big, dark eyes, and that strange effect this man had always seemed to have on him struck again. Hux had nodded and given a ‘if you insist’ and that had been that._

_In truth, Hux hadn’t realized the full extent of just how deep he was in until Kylo had left for a two week mission, the first since his return to the Finalizer. It wasn’t as if Hux was worried about him, but rather it took Kylo’s absence – once again – for him to realize just how much Kylo had already been integrated into his life. For the first cycle or two, it had actually been nice, giving Hux time to just be by himself. But soon he found himself itching for the familiar company, missing even something as simple as complaining about the difficulties of the day while knowing the other person was willing to listen. It was an entirely new experience._

_When Kylo did finally return, Hux had planned to drag him to the bedroom and spend some time taking him apart as slowly as possible, but one look at Kylo convinced Hux it would need to wait. He didn’t sleep much on missions, Hux learned. Hux knew more than his share about not getting enough sleep – a caf addiction and his own dark circles were simply a permanent part of himself by this point – and instead ushered Kylo to bed, lightly chastising him and then petting his hair until he fell asleep. It only took a few minutes and Hux couldn’t bring himself to mind. There would be other nights for more adventurous activities._

_If there was any clearer sign of his damnable feelings, Hux didn’t know what it was. Forgoing all his plans and just doing nothing because it was better for the other person was just such a counter to his personality. Hux may not have known how to truly describe the depths of such emotions, but he was more than willing to burn the galaxy twice over if it meant keeping something he wanted. And it was in that moment he knew he wanted to keep Kylo._

_The novelty of it all didn’t seem to wear off, either. Curiosity, a curse Hux had always been afflicted with, had him trying and saying things that had always caused him to sneer just to hear them before._

_One night, Hux said, “let’s go to bed, darling,” mostly just to see what it felt like and how Kylo would react to it._

_Kylo stood stock still for a good few minutes, seemingly frozen in place. Hux just raised an eyebrow at him and then headed to bedroom. If he was going to make that big a deal out of it, then Hux would just have to refrain from such childish pet names in the future. It was only when Hux was half finished his nighttime routine that Kylo finally wandered in, saying nothing and just starting to undress._

_Hux ignored him and finished up, crawling into bed to soon be joined by Kylo. Once they were both settled, Hux leaned over to nibble on Kylo’s ear, not quite ready to sleep yet. When that didn’t cause a reaction, Hux started a trail of lazy kisses down Kylo’s neck._

_“Hux,” Kylo said, voice just a bit breathy, “what do you want with me?”_

_“I should think it’s rather obvious,” Hux said, before planting a playful bite on Kylo’s shoulder._

_“No I mean-” Kylo cut off with a moan when Hux bit his neck sharply. “Not right now. With this. Us. All of it.”_

_Hux pulled away with a frown, confused. He thought what they were doing was obvious, really. Had he misread the situation? Was Kylo not enjoying it? Was this something else to him?_

_“Did you want to stop?” Hux asked, ignoring the sinking feeling in his stomach at the thought._

_“No!” Kylo insisted quickly, ducking his head down after, like he was chastising himself. “I mean, I just want to know. What is this?”_

_Hux swallowed. Was Kylo asking for some sort of declaration? Hux wasn’t sure he could give that. What was he to say when he didn’t know precisely what name to even give what this was? It was one thing to admit the existence of unnamable feelings to himself, but to actually express them to another person, especially the one in question…_

_“Isn’t it whatever we want it to be?” Hux asked, knowing full well the deflection was a weak one._

_Something flashed in Kylo’s eyes and it was clear he knew it too. “Tell me what_ you _want it to be.”_

_“Kylo, I…” Hux trailed off, not even sure where to start. “I don’t know what to tell you.”_

_Kylo bristled at that. “You could try the truth.”_

_“I don’t know what that is!” Hux snapped, anger coming on so quickly he didn’t have enough warning to stifle it. “Are you expecting me to reveal some sort of secret fantasy of us settling down with some children and a couple of lothcats on Chandrila? That I have some disgustingly domestic future planned out for us?”_

_“Hux, that’s not-” Kylo cut off with an aggravated sigh, running a hand through his hair and mussing it up. “You… you can’t just call me something like_ that _. And then try to act like it doesn’t mean anything.”_

_“What do you want me to tell you, then?” Hux’s voice was low, angry; he’d found he actually liked using the pet name despite how foreign and strange it felt on his tongue, but Kylo was quickly ruining it. “That I still sometimes have the urge to strangle you when we argue, but I don’t because then we wouldn’t be able to have the arguments anymore? That I sleep even less when you’re on missions? That I obliterated five planets for the good of the galaxy as a whole, but I’d do it again just as easily if it meant I could keep you?”_

_The room fell silent aside from the heavy breathing of them both. Kylo was frozen, eyes wide, and Hux was sure he was in a similar state. He… hadn’t intended to say any of that. The anger he’d felt earlier quickly congealed in his stomach as cold unease. He had to shove down the urge to run; he would not flee his own quarters, even if he wanted nothing more than to do exactly that._

_“Oh…” Kylo said quietly, as if he’d just discovered something wondrous._

_Hux looked away, even more annoyed to find his cheeks were warmer than usual. Just as he was about to try to start formulating a response, Kylo grabbed him by the face and crashed their lips together with a passion even Kylo had never shown before. He then rolled them and climbed on top of Hux, deepening the kiss as much as he could._

_And maybe there should’ve been more words between them to truly sort out the details, but if what Hux could taste in Kylo’s mouth was true, then they didn’t need them. Between that and the sex that followed – a combination of tenderness and desperation, like their bodies were trying to merge together into one – Hux thought the answer was obvious._

_It would be a month after that, a month of only increasing comfort in their arrangement that Kylo would come to Hux’s quarters looking troubled._

_“What is it, darling?” The endearment didn’t feel so out of place on his tongue anymore._

_“I must return to Snoke,” he said, sounding hollow._

_Hux frowned only slightly, wondering why he hadn’t been informed his co-commander – and lover, for he could not think of a better word to use – would be disembarking again. Even though Snoke didn’t know they were involved, he still thought he ought to have known about this. It affected his battle planning significantly._

_“When do you leave?” he asked, pleased with how composed he sounded._

_Kylo came closer, looking mournful. “Two days. I don’t know how long I’ll be gone.”_

_Kylo’s hand came up to cup Hux’s cheek and Hux allowed it, leaning in and humming at the feeling of his skin. It wouldn’t be pleasant, especially since Hux remembered the condition Kylo had returned in the last time, but it was necessary. Even if Snoke hadn’t been the highest authority in the Order, Kylo’s personal loyalty would not allow him to disobey._

_Hux gently removed Kylo’s hand from his face, placing his own on the back of Kylo’s neck, fingers threaded through his hair. Hux stroked over the tender skin underneath with a thumb and then tightened his grip on Kylo’s hair with a smirk. Kylo buckled, arching his head back with a gratifying gasp._

_“Well, if we only have two cycles, then we should make the most of them,” Hux purred, quickly deciding he would take Kylo apart as many times as he could before he had to leave._

_And even though Hux’s chest did something unpleasant as he watched the Upsilon shuttle depart the Finalizer and then jump to hyperspace, he took some comfort in the fact that Kylo still wore the marks Hux had left over the last two days underneath his robes. He doubted they’d still be there when Kylo returned, but then he’d just have to make more of them. Kylo was_ his _, not Snoke’s, in his mind and no matter what Snoke did to him this time, Hux fully intended to find as many ways to show that as he could._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Detailed warning: Hux wakes up hard and he is still half-asleep, eyes closed and not yet remembering the situation. All he knows is there’s something warm and solid against him so he briefly ruts against it. He opens his eyes, expecting to see Kylo looking at him knowingly, and then immediately remembers what’s going on. He bolts out of bed, disgusted with himself, and spends some of the ‘present’ scene chastising himself for it


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kylo wakes up.

It was dark where Kylo was; there was only just enough light to see the way the shadows moved, crawling and reaching and laughing mockingly. He didn’t know how long he’d been there. He thought that he was probably having a nightmare, but it was so much more vivid than usual and it seemed _endless_. How long had he spent curled in what felt like a corner, lashing out with the Force and a frightened cry at the shadows whenever they got too close? Had he been here before? Where even was _here_? He couldn’t remember. He knew he’d relived a number of his past failures, including Starkiller’s last day, far more times than he could count. Every time, he always made the wrong choices, always _failed_ , but what was worse were the other visions, the ones of Ben’s family scorning him, of Han Solo with a beam of red light piercing through him, the visions of Hux dying because Kylo couldn’t save him, along with so many others. Each one tore at him in a different way, appearing with no predictability.

And then somehow he’d ended up in this place of shadows and nothingness.

He – he’d woken up at least once, hadn’t he? He had flickers, a couple of flashes of familiar quarters. Hux’s, he thought, not his own. Other times, he thought he heard Hux’s voice, in the distance, beyond whatever he was enduring, but he was sure it was just another part of the nightmare. Something for him to want, to remind him that he’d once not been trapped here, just a taunt to further batter his psyche. The soothing tone, the way Hux was speaking to him as if they were both in the same place; it couldn’t have been real. There were other voices, too, sometimes, ones he didn’t recognize, but only Hux’s caught his attention.

He’d tried to reach out, but he wasn’t sure if his attempts had even worked. He vaguely remembered apologizing to Hux, and another time or two of seeing him asleep plus snippets of his empty quarters, but had any of them even been real? Kylo didn’t know. He didn’t feel complete here, like there was some part of him missing, left behind in the waking world. More than anything, he just wanted to leave, wanted to wake up and be anywhere but here, be with Hux again. But he didn’t know how to do that.

While lamenting his situation, Kylo lost track of the shadows, yelping when he realized one had latched onto his ankle. He yanked his foot back, snarling at it. The shadowy tendril retreated, wiggling eagerly in place, mocking him once again. Anger rose in Kylo’s gut, burning up his throat until it turned into a scream. He stood abruptly, sending a blast of Force energy at the shadows and delighting in the way it ripped through them.

He stomped out of his corner, the remaining shadows giving him a wide berth. There wasn’t really anywhere to go, the formless void before him simply coalescing again behind him after each step, but he wanted _out_ , so he kept pushing forwards since he didn’t have any other direction to go. The anger was still smoldering within him, driving every step forward.

After continuing to push forward for an indeterminate amount of time, the darkness suddenly broke, revealing a landscape of searing brightness. Kylo squinted against it, looking back to see the wall of dark he’d just escaped. The light _hurt_ , burned through his eyes in a way no sun he’d ever encountered had, made his skin so hot he thought he was being cooked alive.

Distantly, he thought he heard Hux again, saying something about going to sleep. His chest ached and he snarled again, staring up into the light, not seeing a source but somehow _feeling_ where it was. Kylo didn’t know how he knew, but he did, and he also couldn’t explain his own actions when he pulled on the darkness behind him with the Force, gathering it until it was under his control. All he knew was that it felt _right_.

Kylo felt the darkness swirl, no longer the taunting foe, but another thing to fall under his power. When he had what he felt was enough – and still, he could not explain how he knew what was or wasn’t enough – he launched it at what something inside told him was the source of the light, reaching out with the other hand to reel the light in as well, a cry of effort spilling from his lips. The two collided, the blast of it almost enough to knock Kylo back, the scene finally settling into the grey haze of an overcast morning. Then, just as quickly as it was over, it was all gone.

* * *

Hux had just fallen asleep at the far edge of the bed, far from Kylo, when he was startled awake by _something_ slamming him up against the wall closest to his bed. Immediately, his instincts kicked in, and he was into a crouch on the floor, ready to defend himself when he realized Kylo was flailing around in the bed, making pained noises. He cried out louder, wailing like a wounded animal, and another blast of Force energy washed through the room, knocking Hux back into the wall hard enough to wind him and sending a nearby chair off to crumple in the corner.

When Hux opened his eyes and sat up, he saw Kylo blinking in confusion, the way he did when he’d just woken up. Hux’s already laboured breath caught in his throat. Was Kylo really awake? Was this actually happening? Dark honey eyes caught his, looking _alive_ , and Hux was at a loss of what to say now that the nightmare finally appeared to be over.

After Kylo apparently got his bearings, he looked over at Hux, who was frozen in place, still unsure if this was just another temporary thing. He wanted to believe it was real this time, that it was really permanent, but the doubts were too much. He felt as though if he reached out and touched Kylo – and oh, did he want to – the illusion would be shattered.

“Hux?” Kylo asked, seeming confused, and that was enough for the blockade to break.

Hux clambered up onto the bed and collided with Kylo, wrapping his arms tight around him and squeezing probably too tight, just barely holding in a sob. Kylo’s arms came up automatically to return the embrace, his movements still slow and halting. Hux’s whole body shuddered at the feeling of Kylo holding him back, moving of his own accord for the first time in more weeks than Hux had bothered to count. Kylo had returned to him, finally, and oh was Hux grateful for his own selfishness now.

“What happened?” Kylo asked, his words slurring slightly as they always did when he’d just woken up, as if this was any other morning.

Hux had to take a number of deep breaths before he could pull back enough to answer. He knew his eyes were wet but he didn’t care. He let his hands drop to Kylo’s biceps, couldn’t even think of letting him go. The moment still felt too unreal to trust that letting go wouldn’t mean Kylo would slip away from him again.

“You were… gone,” Hux started, pausing to think of how to explain it better when Kylo furrowed his brows. “It was like a coma, but the medbay couldn’t find anything wrong with you. You were out for, _kriff_ , you were like that for _weeks_. I thought… I thought you were never going to wake up.”

Hux’s voice broke then and he stopped, trying to breathe through the sobs threatening to take over. Kylo rubbed his shoulder with one hand and the other was firmly set on his waist, attempting to be comforting. Hux hesitated even to blink, to do anything that might risk erasing his Kylo and replacing him with that other one he’d been stuck with for so long.

“What _happened_ , Kylo?” he asked, desperate to know, even though he thought he already did. “What in the stars made you like that?”

Kylo was silent for a moment, looking like he was trying to think it through. Had permanent damage been done? Were there parts of his memory that were inaccessible now? He seemed to know who Hux was, at least, and of their relationship, but was there anything else he may have forgotten?

Kylo’s face cleared in understanding and he looked away, a grim expression on his face.

“You can tell me, darling,” Hux insisted. “Please tell me.”

“It was Snoke.” The words were so quiet they were nearly inaudible.

Hux jerked back. He’d known, truly, had known the entire time, but some part of him had still been sure he must have been wrong. There was no other explanation that made sense, no one else who should’ve been capable of such a thing. But the question he’d been asking himself since day one still remained: _why_? Kylo was his treasured apprentice, his training supposedly nearly complete. Why would Snoke intentionally sabotage him?

Hux didn’t need to say any of that for Kylo to know he wanted to. “He was… We were supposed to finish my training. Properly this time. I thought… I thought I’d made enough progress but I failed his test. So as a punishment…” Kylo cut off and gestured to himself.

“What was the test?” Hux asked, grabbing Kylo’s face in both hands and forcing him to make eye contact, the anger he’d felt towards Snoke when he’d first discovered the state of Kylo’s body and mind bubbling up again and showing in his tone.

Kylo looked away as much as he could in Hux’s grip. “You won’t like it.”

“I’ve already spent _weeks_ not liking it.” Hux just managed not to snarl the words.

“I was already injured and he… shocked me. With lightning. Until I was on the brink of blacking out from the pain. Then he invaded my mind. I… I was supposed to be able to stop him, to block him out, even in that state. To prevent him from locking me away like he did. Making me relive every failure, every temptation. But I couldn’t!” Kylo’s frustration was starting to show. “I failed. I thought… I had thought I was done, that I’d finally reached a point where he had nothing left to teach me. I felt stronger than I ever had. I thought I could impress him but… he said I’d gotten cocky and foolish, didn’t realize how much further I still had to go.”

_I thought I was good enough for him,_ Hux heard, _but he showed me I still wasn’t._

If Hux had been angry before, he was furious now. Not only because the master Kylo trusted was definitely taking advantage at this point – though that was most of it – but because it finally clicked and it was so obvious and so unbelievably _stupid_. Snoke was breaking Kylo not because he had to, but because he was _scared_ , scared of how powerful Kylo had become, scared of the moment when Kylo realized he didn’t need a master like that anymore. So instead of allowing Kylo to realize his strength, he continued to torture Kylo, to halt his progress, to hurt him _senselessly_ to keep him from believing he had finally become the man Snoke had promised he would turn him into.

Hux, too, knew how to break people, but he also knew when _not_ to; his own Stormtrooper program that his unconditioned officers operated was proof of that. Clearly, this was a distinction Snoke failed to understand.

“It’s fine,” Kylo said, trying to placate the building rage he could surely feel building in Hux. “I deserved it.”

“It is _not_ fine,” Hux spat, his grip on Kylo’s face tightening, resisting the urge to shout directly in his face, hardly able to even touch the second comment. “Has he done this to you before?”

Kylo tried to duck his head in guilt. “This is the third time.”

“The _third_ -” Hux sputtered.

“He does what’s necessary,” Kylo insisted before Hux could recover. “The first time was after I became the Master of the Knights of Ren. I became overconfident. He needed to put me in my place.”

Hux just stared at him in horror. The way Kylo said it was like he was reciting words he’d been told, not coming up with them himself. Hux could very easily figure out what that meant and it made him feel sick.

“The second time was after Starkiller,” Kylo continued, heedless of Hux’s reaction. “It was pure punishment. I needed to be reminded of my path. And not to fail.”

Hux could not accept that. “And this time? You say he did it to show you that you weren’t done yet?”

Kylo nodded, relaxing a bit as he seemed to think Hux understood. He was wrong.

“Kylo, think about this. You went to him feeling stronger than you ever had. You went to him feeling like you had finally achieved what you’ve been striving for,” Hux said, watching Kylo’s expression carefully. “You thought he had nothing left to teach you. Now think, think hard on this: what, exactly, does he have left to teach you?”

Kylo looked at Hux warily. “He didn’t tell me.”

“He didn’t tell you,” Hux repeated, just barely managing not to sound condescending. “He only promised you more, needed to prove you hadn’t surpassed your need of him. What would have happened had you resisted him, Kylo? Had you fought back when he wanted to bloody _electrocute_ you? Had Snoke been your enemy?”

Kylo furrowed his brow in a combination of confusion and anger. “Hux…”

“I mean it: really think about that.” Hux paused to take a breath, knowing each sentence was taking him into more and more dangerous territory. “Think about if there is a _single thing_ he knows how to do that you do not and cannot counter.”

Kylo’s face screwed up, the scar making his expression uneven, and he tried to pull away, but Hux held firm, forcing Kylo to meet his gaze as much as he could without paralyzing his eyes.

“I think I know the answer to all of that,” Hux continued. “Snoke is afraid of what you can be. He knows you’ve surpassed him and he’s exploiting your devotion to him to hide that from you. He’s _using_ you, Kylo, can’t you see that? You could kill him and he would have no way of stopping you. He’s just making you doubt yourself so you’ll stay obedient. The moment he doesn’t need you, he’ll destroy you and you’ll _bloody well let him_.”

Kylo stopped fighting then, his eyes wide with a panic Hux hadn’t expected. His breathing was coming in short pants, nearing hyperventilation. Hux blinked, reassessing. He’d expected Kylo to scream at him, to throw him off, to deny it all. He had not expected this blind, animal fear.

“The Supreme Leader is wise-” Kylo cut himself off, voice breaking and high with panic.

Hux took the unexpected opportunity for what it was and kept pushing. “He is, he is wise, Kylo, that’s the problem. He’s brilliant. That’s why he was able to do this to you. He offered you everything and you had no reason to doubt him. And he gave you just enough to keep you from doubting him. But he will never let you believe you’re done because then you won’t _need_ him anymore. He’s terrified of your power.”

Kylo was shaking beneath him, struggling again but Hux held on tight. He’d hit something here and he couldn’t risk losing his chance. Whatever was going on in Kylo’s mind right now, Hux had to use it to show him the truth. He suspected Kylo already knew it, but Snoke had broken him well. Even if he did know, Kylo’s mind would instinctually fight it tooth and nail.

“He-he…” Kylo trailed off, voice weak. “That’s not true.”

The protest was weak, given automatically rather than from true belief. “You know it is, Kylo. He needs you, right now at least, but you don’t need him anymore. You’re so much more than he lets you think you are. You could destroy him if you chose and yet you allow him to do whatever he wants to you.”

Kylo let out a pained noise, wetness shining in his eyes. Hux knew it hurt him to hear this, knew it was like poking a sharp stick into that wound he’d had on his side after Starkiller. Hux knew what Snoke meant to Kylo and how much he feared exactly what Hux was telling him. But Kylo needed to hear it, needed to see the truth for what it was and accept it. This was treason, too, just as dangerous as the thoughts he’d had for his own ambitions not so long ago, but if Hux could make Kylo see the truth, that wouldn’t matter. Hux knew, without a shred of a doubt, which one of them would come out alive if it came down to Kylo versus Snoke.

“Do you trust me?” Hux asked, trying another tactic. “Do you trust my judgement? My ability to read people and situations? My mind?”

Kylo looked ready to bolt, but he nodded hesitantly.

“Then trust me now. I know what Snoke means to you, but have you ever considered what you mean to him?” Hux paused, steeling himself for the effect his next words might have. “Have you ever considered that he never wanted you as anything more than a pawn?”

There was a breath where nothing happened and then Hux was shoved bodily aside, landing on the bed. Kylo was up in an instant, easily escaping Hux’s reaching hands, and he was out the door before Hux could even get up. Hux considered chasing him down, but he knew the likelihood of finding Kylo when he didn’t want to be found was nearly zero. And, even if he did, he also knew Kylo would just leave again.

He cursed, only now questioning whether he’d made the right decision by pushing so hard. Kylo had needed to hear it, needed to doubt, but to have him storm off after Hux had been stuck with essentially the equivalent of his corpse for weeks on end? It hurt, it really did, but he knew that his words had cut Kylo deeply, too. It’d been necessary, though. Hux would just have to keep telling himself that.

The only thing he could do now was hope he had pushed enough to make Kylo see the truth and not just enough to push him away altogether.


	10. Chapter 10

Kylo was slumped against the wall in his own quarters, unmoving. His face was wet but he wasn’t truly crying; there were no sobs, just wetness leaking from his eyes. Around him was chaos and debris, furniture and objects thrown about in a fit of emotion. His mind spun and Kylo was overwhelmed by all the thoughts and feelings he had, but his energy was exhausted and all he could do now was sit there and let his head run.

Hux’s words had been so like his fa- _Han Solo’s_ words. He’d faltered then, on the walkway, had almost been unable to do what he knew he needed to. There had been a part of him that doubted – had _always_ been a part of him that doubted – and he was only saved by the darkening of the room, proof that even if he had made that other choice, it wouldn’t have mattered.

Or so he’d thought, at least. Starkiller had still been prevented from firing, had still been destroyed. Kylo did not want to go back to them, he was certain of that, but the words about Snoke had haunted him since. He’d mostly managed to quiet the doubts, but then to hear almost exactly the same words again from Hux? From someone he cared about so strongly, thought he even loved? From someone who perhaps understood, truly, why he was here?

Snoke had _saved_ him. He’d always been there, even when Kylo had been that other little boy – and Kylo could think of him, could think the name ‘Ben’ so long as he remembered that boy was a different person – the one who knew Snoke only as a voice in the back of his mind. The voice that had at first frightened him, but had quickly become a comfort to a child that had few others. The voice had never been afraid of that little boy, even when everyone else had.

When Ben had accidentally broken a window with the Force the first time when his parents were fighting, they were afraid, his father’s eyes wide and his mother’s emotions scrambling underneath her calm exterior, but the voice was proud of him, told him it was proof of how _special_ he was. When he’d later shattered a vase after his parents had informed him they’d both be gone, separately, for a week, the voice had told him the same things, and how it was okay because one day he’d learn to control it and then the only people who would be scared of him were those who were too simple-minded not to be afraid of what they didn’t understand. It’d been more a source of fear for Ben himself than a comfort at first, but every time there was an incident, his parents were afraid, whether they admitted it or not, while the voice praised him for his power. It didn’t take Ben long to decide which he preferred.

Kylo still remembered the moment Ben’s parents had truly given up on him, the moment that had likely set his current path in motion. He’d been confronted by a few neighbourhood children who’d heard rumours of what he could do and had decided to investigate them themselves. Ben was nearing his teens at the time, tall for his age but not yet remarkably so. Skinny, though, as he would be cursed to be until the very last dregs of puberty finally let his body fill out.

The details of the exchange were lost to time, but it was what happened next that was stuck so firmly in his memory. One of the kids had shoved him and Ben, scared and angry, had shoved back. To the complete shock of everyone, the kid had flown back several feet and crashed through an antiquated wooden fence as if it had been made of flimsi. Ben, wide-eyed and terrified had run home with tears in his eyes to the safety of his parents’ apartment.

He would later learn that the kid had been hospitalized with multiple broken bones and pieces of wood impaled in his body. Ben had watched the blood drain from his mother’s face at the news, felt the horror welling up within her, and run off, tears in his eyes, to his room. And then the voice had been there, telling him he’d done so, so well and Ben had wanted to scream, to demand to know how what he’d done could possibly be anything but horribly, irredeemably bad, how he could be anything other than that himself. The walls were thin, though, and the last thing he wanted was to bring more attention to himself. What he really wanted to do was just disappear.

_You were defending yourself_ , the voice had said. _Those children were going to hurt you and you knew it. They don’t understand how very special you are. They’re afraid of you because they don’t know any better._

It was hard not to find such words comforting when the voice had offered nothing but kindness while his parents lied about how scared they were of him every day. And the next morning, when his mother had told him he’d be going to his uncle’s to train, Ben’s heart had sunk. Kylo knew now that all of these events had been necessary steps to the boy’s demise and his own rise from Ben’s ashes, but each memory still stung to think about.

He also remembered what Snoke had whispered to the inside of his skull the whole trip there: _even your parents are afraid of you, just like all the others. If they really loved you, they’d be proud of you coming into your power, not sending you away to someone else. They’re abandoning you, sending you to your uncle who will do nothing but try to stifle your power. But don’t worry, Ben,_ I _care about you. I will help you when they won’t._

Predictably, it had all escalated from there. The other students didn’t understand him and neither did Luke, so Ben found himself relying more and more on the voice – Snoke, for Ben had known his name by then – rather than those around him. Perhaps if Ben hadn’t felt so abandoned, he might’ve done okay as a Jedi. Never become anyone like Luke, but maybe he could’ve just learned enough to stop the accidents from happening and then gone home to become a pilot or something. But the path had been set, Kylo knew now, and it was only a matter of time before the final piece would fall.

And that piece was a big one. Learning of his true heritage, and not from his parents or his uncle, but from a news broadcast of all things, had been it. It had been the last nail in Ben’s coffin. Ben had stormed out, ignoring the stares of the other students and Luke’s calls for him to stop, to come back, to talk about this. Ben had just wanted to be alone.

Snoke, though, was there again: _don’t you see, now? It’s your destiny to embrace the Dark too, just like I told you. Your grandfather was the greatest of them all. Shh, sweet boy, you know I’m right. I know what’s best for you, I always have. I’m the only one who cares about you._

It would be shortly after that that Ben would die and Kylo would be born. He’d gone to Snoke after, eyes wet and hollow after having killed his fellow students, telling himself this must be the answer, but still holding doubts. Snoke had praised him, at first, welcoming him, telling him he’d done so well. But then Snoke had said he could sense Kylo’s reservations and that he would show him the true power of the Dark. He’d done so by choking Kylo within an inch of his life.

Training with Snoke hadn’t been easy, but Kylo hadn’t expected it to be. There were still the nice, gentle words Snoke had always offered him when he’d done well, but there were also far more rebukes. The physical training pushed his body to the limit, both in pain and exhaustion. Sometimes deprivation was involved, be it food or water or sleep or even one of his senses. He was also sent to extreme environments and left there to either survive or perish. All of it, Snoke said, was to better him in the ways of the Force, to teach him to rely on it in every situation and to learn to embrace both sides of it.

He didn’t know if Snoke actually would’ve let him die had he not been able to survive on his own, but Kylo didn’t think so. Snoke believed he had potential beyond any other, that he was, as Snoke had told Ben Solo so long ago, _special_. Snoke wouldn’t just throw him away like that. Pain was the path the greatness, Snoke told him, and that was all it was. He had to suffer in order to become the person he had the potential to be.

When Snoke locked him away the first time, Kylo hadn’t understood. He’d felt strong, powerful for having taken over the mantle of master of the Knights of Ren. But Snoke had said he needed to be ‘put in his place’. When Kylo had argued with him, blinded by his pride, that’s when Snoke had done it.

While he was locked away, Kylo relived every humiliation he’d ever suffered, faced unending tests and temptations, and encountered his own worst nightmares. It’d nearly broken him that first time. When he’d awoken, somehow returned to the Knights’ sanctuary from Snoke’s citadel, he’d been mentally shaken and his body was visibly diminished. His Knights had kept him alive using the Force to the best of their abilities, but without the drive to even eat, he’d all but starved. It’d taken weeks for him to fully recover physically. Emotionally, it’d been less a recovery and more a reshaping.

The message was clear, though: no matter how powerful Kylo was, Snoke still surpassed him.

Kylo couldn’t help but notice, however, that his body didn’t seem to be nearly as weakened this time around. There was some atrophy of his muscles from disuse, yes, but he wasn’t terribly thin, like he’d been before. He also seemed clean and adequately hydrated, things that had also never been the case before when he’d woken like this.

The only possible explanation must have been Hux. While Kylo’s Knights did well caring for him when he was being punished by Snoke in that way, Hux did not have access to the Force and must have used more traditional methods of keeping him alive. The thought of it, of how attentive Hux would’ve had to have been, made something in Kylo’s chest clench.

Kylo had been trying hard to steer his thoughts from Hux for as long as he could but the observation led him straight down that mental path. Hux was perhaps the only person aside from Snoke that actually mattered to Kylo. He was important, more so than Kylo had words for. They obviously hadn’t gotten off on the right foot, considering they spent most of their five year working relationship bickering like children, but Kylo had always been intrigued by him. He was so very different from Kylo himself, yet so very similar.

Somehow, they’d managed to move from rivals to something resembling friends to so much more and Kylo was infinitely grateful for it. They’d shared more together than Kylo had shared with anyone, even Snoke. Hux had saved him from Starkiller, had refused to let him die even when Kylo had – in retrospect, rather obviously – lied about why he didn’t want to be treated, hoping he could just close his eyes and drift away instead of face everything that had happened. Hux had talked with him and, later, taken him to bed, as if Kylo were the kind of person who could have things like that. And it had only grown from there, quickly become something Kylo truly could not stand to give up.

But would he have to, now? Would he have to turn on Hux, the one person who’d shown appreciation for who he was as opposed to what he could do? The thought made Kylo grimace, his stomach twisting. Things couldn’t go back to the way they were before, not when he knew that Hux harboured such thoughts about Snoke. And, even if Kylo could forget it, Hux would never be able to let it go either.

So what was he to do? Turning on Snoke was… unthinkable. Snoke was everything to him, wasn’t he? Hux’s words flashed through his mind again. It was dangerous to even think it, but _was_ Snoke using him? Was it possible that Snoke wasn’t going to give Kylo everything he’d promised?

But he had, so far, hadn’t he? The training may not be pleasant, but pain was necessary, Snoke had told him. Kylo had made so much progress, was so much stronger than he was before. He still had trouble with his emotions, with the pull between the Dark and the Light, but could that ever be truly eliminated if he was using both sides? He didn’t think so.

This time, though… Kylo couldn’t deny that something felt off about it. He hadn’t lied to Hux; he really had felt stronger than ever before. He’d called Snoke himself, requested to meet with him and show him just how much he’d grown. Snoke had been surprised, but had accepted his request and instructed him to come to the citadel.

When he’d arrived, Snoke had seemed… curious. He’d probed Kylo’s mind, as he often did, and Kylo had just gritted his teeth and accepted, as he always did. He’d had Kylo perform a few Force abilities and he’d praised Kylo for how strong he’d become, told him he truly had improved since they’d last seen each other.

But then Snoke had wanted to give him a ‘true test’ of his newfound power. He’d instructed Kylo not to resist and then shocked him with lightning until Kylo couldn’t stand under the assault anymore. Kylo had expected Snoke to stop, but he kept going until Kylo could smell his robes burning and was on the verge of blacking out. Distantly, Kylo had heard Snoke’s command to let him in, but to try to prevent him from locking him away.

If there had been any energy left in Kylo’s body, he would’ve flinched. He hated being locked away and he knew he hadn’t done anything to deserve it this time, not that Snoke had mentioned at least. But before he could think any further, Kylo’s mind was filled with Snoke’s presence and he _tried_ , he really did, to do what had been asked of him, but once Snoke was in, Kylo was powerless to stop him. That realization was the last thing he remembered before he’d found himself shoved in that awful corner of his own mind that Snoke caged him in.

Kylo didn’t understand why Snoke had done it. Before, it’d only ever been done as a serious punishment, not as a test, because of the severe effects it had on his body and mind. Snoke only did it when he absolutely needed to. Perhaps it was a punishment for failing to prevent it, something part of him was sure wasn’t even possible if he let Snoke into his mind first, but that still seemed extreme. Kylo wasn’t as far set back as he usually was, thanks to Hux, but a setback was still a setback.

It hadn’t occurred to him to examine Snoke’s motivation so deeply until Hux had mentioned it, but now that he had… There _was_ something off about this. Did that mean Hux was right? That Snoke was halting his progress on purpose? Was breaking every promise he’d ever made to Kylo?

That couldn’t be true, it just _couldn’t_. Snoke had invested so much in him, so many years and resources. Snoke cared about him, had given him everything he could. Of course, Kylo knew Snoke was getting something out of the arrangement, but he was sure he hadn’t even come close to returning the favour yet. Why would Snoke give him so much, spend so much time and effort on him only to intentionally hold him back?

And Hux… Hux cared for him, Kylo knew he did even if he wasn’t good at saying so. He had apparently even taken care of Kylo while he’d been out, for however long that was. That was… that wasn’t an ordinary amount of dedication. Even his Knights, who were bound to him by sacred rites, did not do so to the degree Hux apparently had.

Kylo made a choked noise, his eyes pricking again – he’d stopped crying some time ago but was in danger of starting up again. He knew he couldn’t turn on Hux, but he also knew he couldn’t turn on Snoke. Snoke had given him everything and Hux… Hux was the most important person in his life aside from Snoke. But as things were, Kylo knew he couldn’t have both.

It was an impossible choice. If he turned against Hux, Kylo knew he’d have to kill him. If he turned against Snoke, that would be equally true, but far more difficult.

The look on Hux’s face when Kylo had woken flashed through his mind, surely to be burned there forever. A mixture of hope, disbelief, trepidation, and joy. No one had ever looked at Kylo like that before, like he mattered enough to worry about. He knew he mattered to Snoke – Snoke had told him so countless times over the years – but it was so much more to see it etched into Hux’s features, completely unguarded. Meanwhile, the last memory he had of Snoke’s face was twisted into a grimace of effort from the lightning coming from his hands.

Kylo growled in frustration. Here he was, running back and forth between the two again. He was lost. One moment, he was sure he should go straight to Snoke’s holochamber and report Hux. The next, he wanted to run back to Hux, crawl into his arms and discuss treason and betrayal. He wanted both and he wanted neither.

Kylo needed Snoke, but he needed Hux too, in a very different way. Would Kylo be able to reach his true potential without Snoke? Or perhaps the better question was: without Snoke, would he even need to? He was already so powerful, truly without equal. He had no doubt if he faced the scavenger or the traitor or even Luke Skywalker now that he would win. What else _did_ Snoke have to teach him? Was Hux right in that there was nothing more Snoke had to offer? That Snoke – and it hurt immeasurably to even think it – had never actually wanted him?

Or was this just Hux’s doubts infecting him, pushing him to turn from the one master who truly understood him, truly cared about him? To turn from Snoke, to take everything Snoke had given him and spit it in his face… even thinking of it was beyond ungrateful. If Snoke could hear his thoughts right now, he had no doubt he’d be locked away again after a far more painful punishment than lightning. And he would deserve it, too.

Kylo suddenly stood, using the Force to throw an already broken table against the wall, shattering it. He didn’t know what to do. Or… maybe he did, he just didn’t want to face it. And how could he? No matter what he chose, he would be betraying one of the only two people in the galaxy that really mattered to him.

And deep down, a very quiet voice told him he already knew what he _wanted_. But Kylo, like Ben before him, had never been one to get what he wanted. Except, this time, maybe he could? There was no good answer, so either way he was fucked. And perhaps there was a _right_ answer, but was it the answer he wished it was? Kylo didn’t want to admit he already knew it wasn’t.

Kylo took a deep, hopefully calming breath. He knew. He didn’t know. He wanted, but he didn’t. It hurt to be in this position and even if pain was the route to strength, he just wanted it to stop. He was so tired of being torn between two choices, just like with the Light and the Dark. Different parts of his mind screamed at him, repeating the same arguments over and over again. He screamed in response, desperately trying to expel at least some of his thoughts through his already raw throat.

Kylo left the room a short time later, decision made. Fuck the consequences; they were bad no matter which he chose. He knew what he had to do.

* * *

Snoke’s throne room was cavernous in a way that made every little sound echo, amplifying it into something truly unnerving. It was probably intentional, a way to make his voice boom and sound far stronger than it truly was, the same way he preferred to appear in holograms many times his true size. An intimidation tactic, obvious but effective. At this moment, though, the air was heavy with stillness and silence.

The room was empty save for two occupants and one corpse, head neatly severed from the body and left on the floor. Kylo was staring at it, as if transfixed, seemingly not even breathing. His lightsaber hadn’t been deactivated yet, the body before him still warm.

All at once, he fell to his knees and started shaking violently.

Hux rushed to his side and pulled Kylo into his arms, deactivating his lightsaber and coaxing his head to turn from the grisly sight of Snoke’s body, whispering promises and praises. Despite everything, Hux could only imagine how hard this had been for him, to kill the mentor he believed had saved him so long ago. The mentor who had also been abusing him and taking advantage ever since.

But here they were, having done the impossible. They were both filthy and hurting from the fight, but Kylo had managed to strike the killing blow while Hux had just done his best to keep Snoke’s attention split, knowing he didn’t have a chance of doing any real damage. He knew, alone, this act would not have been possible. When he’d first started dreaming of unseating Snoke, he’d never imagined him besting the being in combat like this. Then again, he’d never imagined his motivation for doing so to have shifted so far from his own ambitions to the interests of another.

Kylo was still shaking in his arms, clutching at Hux’s clothes, trying to turn his head but Hux wouldn’t let him. He’d seen enough. Looking now would only make it worse. Hux stroked through Kylo’s hair, murmuring soothing nonsense to him. This was not going to be an easy thing to heal from, but Hux had helped him through worse before. What was most important is that Kylo was still alive and present, in both body and mind.

Hux had already planned to make time for Kylo to recover before the coup was officially announced. Very few people spoke to Snoke directly and those besides the two of them had either been convinced to assist or ‘taken care of’. As it stood, until someone from High Command made an announcement, the majority of the Order wouldn’t even know it’d been done. It gave them ample opportunity to prepare in whatever ways they needed to.

The details had been mostly ironed out in planning this. As much as Hux’s fingers itched for power, he had realized that it would seem more natural for Kylo to take up Snoke’s mantle. Force-users usurping their masters was a staple of the Sith, something Hux knew more from his interest in history than anything else. It wasn’t what Hux wanted, truly, but he would be able to make it work, he was sure.

But when he had suggested such – on one of the days Kylo felt less conflicted about what they were doing – Kylo had made a face. “I don’t want that.”

Hux raised his eyebrows. “Why not?”

“All of the politics? The tedious, everyday runnings of the Order and, eventually, the galaxy?” Kylo said, as if it were obvious. “Hux, I’d be miserable. I don’t want any of that. It should be you.”

Hux blinked in surprise, wanting nothing more than to immediately agree but telling himself no, he must do this properly. Admittedly, he wasn’t sure resentment wouldn’t be an issue in their future no matter what they did. He didn’t want Kylo to resent him for stealing his master’s throne for himself, but he also wasn’t sure he could stop himself from resenting Kylo if he agreed to take it. This, however, might offer a convenient solution.

“I don’t want you to think I’m using you for the throne,” Hux admitted. “As much as I want it, it’s technically yours before mine.”

Kylo made the same face again. “Take it, Hux. I never wanted any of that. You’d be good at it. You’d _like_ it.”

“Are you-”

Kylo cut him off before he could finish, sounding a bit exasperated. “ _Yes_ , I’m sure. I don’t want it and you do. You’ll need someone to guard you. That’s my place.”

Well, that was simple. “Alright, if you insist. You know I’m going to name you my consort, though. I refuse to let anyone think anything but the truth about us.”

“Fine,” Kylo agreed, generously not saying anything about how sentimental Hux’s words were. “I’ll be your consort-protector or whatever fancy title you want to come up with.”

With that matter dealt with, Hux thought they were done, but then Kylo was leaning closer, voice low and husky. “Besides, that way I can call you _emperor_.”

The word shot straight down Hux’s spine to settle in his groin and the look on Kylo’s face suggested he knew exactly what effect it’d had. “I’ll strike down your enemies and bring you back their skulls, gifts for the one true leader of the galaxy. No one will ever doubt you. Anyone who does will have to deal with _me_.”

Hux couldn’t help a moan as Kylo leaned in further to nibble on his ear. “Fuck, Kylo.”

Hux let Kylo bite at his ear until he was moving down his neck and then Hux interrupted him by fisting a hand in his hair and pulling to encourage Kylo to drop to his knees. “Show me, then, how you will serve your _emperor_.”

And now they were here, victorious, the Order fully theirs. The galaxy would follow, Hux was sure. Snoke’s inattention after Starkiller had been sign enough that he didn’t know what he was doing and his treatment of Kylo had confirmed he could not be allowed to continue. Hux would do better, would do better for everyone, especially Kylo, who had stood at his side through all of it and would continue to do so for as long as he could stand.

The future was bright, despite the way Kylo still clung to him, sobs calmed but eyes still red and wet, face still stricken. Hux would take care of him, like he’d done before if necessary, because – and Hux could use the word now, knew for certain he meant it – he loved Kylo. He truly did. Then together, they would take the helm of the Order and Hux had no doubt they would find continued victories. If they could defeat a being such as Snoke with just the two of them, how could the ragtag forces of the Resistance ever hope to stand a chance?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Holy fuck I actually did it. Okay, I know this fic probably doesn’t feel like it took that long to you guys, but I have literally been working on this since September 2016. So to have it done and posted and also be the longest fic I’ve ever finished? I’m just in awe. Thank you so so much to everyone who left all the wonderfully thoughtful comments and kudos and reblogs and replies on tumblr and everything. You guys really motivated me a lot and I just continue to be so amazed by how generous and responsive the kylux fandom is. I love everyone in this bar
> 
> And hey, I promised you all a happy ending, didn’t I?

**Author's Note:**

> Come hang out with me on [tumblr](http://kyluxtrashpit.tumblr.com) too


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